Fewer young people play sports and exercise these days. Why is this? What are the effects of this?
Nowadays, number of young people individual engage in sport and physical activities
> This problem can be attributed to several factors and I think it has mainly negative effects.
> There are several reasons why low mobility around young people. First of all, they are addicted to modern technological gadgets, especially these involving gaming. They on daily basis play computer games. As a result, these cases make less sensitive to dopamine, may struggle to achieve hormone of pleasure.
> Moreover, parents don’t have time for leisure due to high academic demands. children often feel pressured to be academically successful, but children have to study a lot, I read books, have to go special courses.
> On the other hand, addiction to devices leads to sedentary life style and mainly health problem. Inactive life style prompted to cardiovascular diseases. Addition, they may lose opportunity to learn necessary skills.
The essay has a logical flow of ideas and information, but there are some issues with the organization of the content. The writer presents the reasons and effects in a somewhat disjointed manner, making it difficult for the reader to follow the argument seamlessly. Transitions between ideas are weak, and the essay lacks a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
Suggestions
- Use linking words and phrases to connect your ideas more clearly.
- Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and follows a logical order.
The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, but there are some awkward phrasings and incorrect word choices that detract from the overall clarity and effectiveness of the language used. The repetition of certain words and phrases, such as “children” and “addiction,” could be reduced to enhance lexical variety.
The essay attempts to use a variety of sentence structures, but there are some grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement issues, word choice errors, and awkward phrasing. Punctuation and article use are also inconsistent, affecting the overall clarity of the writing. While some sentences are well-constructed, there is a need for more complex sentence structures to demonstrate a higher level of grammatical proficiency.
The essay addresses the prompt by discussing the reasons behind the decrease in sports and physical activities among young people and the negative effects of this trend. However, the arguments are not fully developed, and the essay lacks depth in its analysis. The reasons provided are somewhat repetitive and lack detailed explanations, while the effects are briefly mentioned without extensive elaboration. Additionally, the essay does not meet the required word count of 250 words, falling short at 180 words.
Suggestions
- Provide more specific examples to support your arguments.
- Ensure that each argument is fully developed and explained.
- Consider adding a concluding paragraph to summarize your main points.