Some people think that competition at work at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to Cooperate more,rather than competing against each other. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Many believe competitiveness is the moving factor of one’s life .While others argue against it telling that we should live together cooperatively and mutually by helping each other. I think, Competing with each other assists stimulation of growth and independence in our different stages of life.
Competition motivates individuals to strive for exclence. For instance, in education, students who compete with one another are more likely to achieve higher grades and develop valuable skills. As someone who has worked as an academic support and has prepared students for IELTS exams, I have observed that a competitive environment often motivates students to improve their language proficiency and achieve better results.
Moreover, competitiveness fosters personal development. It teaches to be patient and helps to set goals clearly, which are essential life skills. For example, in my own journey of balancing university studies and work, competing with peers has pushed me to manage my time efficiently and aim higher in both academic and professional spheres.
On the other hand, competitiveness can negatively impact our mental health. The pressure to become the best version of yourself often leads to stress , discouragement and anxiety.From my own experience, I have observed how constant comparison and the fear of failure can affect their confidence and overall health, resulting in frustration and a lack of motivation.
In conclusion, while competitiveness can drive growth and personal development, it can also lead to stress and harm relationships .By balancing both aspects and factors,competitiveness might play crucial role to gain success.
The essay is logically organized and ideas are connected well. However, there are a few areas where the flow of ideas could be improved.
Suggestions
- Try to use a wider range of linking words to connect your ideas.
- Ensure that your conclusion effectively summarizes the key points in your essay.
The essay uses a wide range of vocabulary and there is evidence of some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice.
The essay demonstrates a good control of a range of grammatical structures, with only minor errors. However, there are a few sentences that could be rephrased for clarity.
The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout. However, the argument could be further developed in places.
Suggestions
- Try to provide more specific examples to support your arguments.
- Ensure that you fully develop your points and provide a clear conclusion to your argument.