Some people think that competition at work at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to Cooperate more,rather than competing against each other. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
In today’s world where everything is accessed through numbers, people try out perform others. While some believe that sense of competition should exist in our life, either it is at school or in a workplace, others see cooperation as a main priority. Although by competing we can increase our performance, I believe, it limits the learning process, as people learn more by cooperating with each other.
When the competition is healthy, it might increase our performance significantly. By following how other people are performing, in the grade list of all students or in KPI board among employees, people can unintentionaly boost their urge to work harder. This usually happens because of the unwillingness to be in the bottom line, resulting in more effort. Therefore, creating competition may provoke efficiency everywhere.
On the other hand, cooperation can also help for overall improvement. While being in group projects, both students and workers, can divide tasks according to their abilities, which results in completing the task more effectively than working individually. Working in a group also provides opportunities to learn from each other, as people interact with each other closely. Taking university assignments, as an example, it can be easily seen than by working in a group, students not only do better in the exams, but also enhance their under-developed skills. Thus, group work can help to develop skills even without our awareness.
Having lifted both views, I can confidently say that cooperation brings more benefit. Some people could be over-ambitious to be the first everywhere, this would lead to unfair play where winning is the most important factor. This trend sometimes leads to disagreements between other players. For this reason, I believe that cooperation should be ranked higher than competition.
In conclusion, even thought by following how others are doing, people usually gain motivation to work harder, I think it is better to focus on learning, which comes often from cooperating, as some people can play unfairly.
The essay is logically organized and ideas are connected well. However, there are a few instances where the flow of ideas could be improved. The essay follows a logical structure, but transitions between paragraphs and within paragraphs could be smoother. The introduction sets up the topic well, but the connection between different points could be enhanced with more explicit linking phrases. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points but could be more comprehensive. Clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph and more explicit linking phrases would help guide the reader through the essay. Ensuring consistent punctuation and spacing will also improve readability.
Suggestions
- Try to use a wider range of linking words to connect your ideas more effectively.
- Ensure that your conclusion fully summarizes the arguments you have made in the essay.
The essay demonstrates a good command of a broad lexical repertoire. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. The essay demonstrates a good command of a broad vocabulary, but there are instances of awkward or incorrect word choices. For example, “unintentionaly boost their urge to work harder” should be “unintentionally boosts their motivation to work harder,” and “the bottom line” could be replaced with a more formal term. Refining word choices and ensuring correct spelling and grammar usage will improve clarity and readability. Additionally, using a wider variety of vocabulary will make the essay more engaging and dynamic.
The essay uses a variety of complex structures. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward constructions. The essay contains a few grammatical errors that affect clarity and readability. For example, “it can be easily seen than by working in a group” should be “it can be easily seen that working in a group.” Paying closer attention to grammatical accuracy, including correct verb forms and preposition usage, will improve the overall quality of the essay. Additionally, varying sentence structures and using a wider range of grammatical constructions will make the essay more engaging and dynamic.
The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout the response. The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both views and providing a clear personal opinion. The writer presents a well-structured argument with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing the impact of competition and cooperation on performance and learning. The writer presents a clear argument, supporting cooperation as the better approach for overall improvement. The essay would benefit from more specific examples to illustrate the points more effectively. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points but could be more comprehensive. The essay effectively addresses the prompt and presents a clear argument, but it could benefit from more specific examples and a more concise conclusion. The essay effectively addresses the prompt and presents a clear argument, but it could benefit from more specific examples and a more concise conclusion.
Suggestions
- Ensure that you fully develop your arguments and support them with relevant examples.