New technologies have changed the way children spend their free time. Do you think the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?
With the great advancements in the field of technology, it has become more and more common for people – particularly for children – to spend a great deal of their time on technological devices like computers and smartphones. While this scenario can be worse for some factors and bring some potential drawbacks such as reduced quality of overall well-being as well as health illnesses, I firmly believe that it does more good than harm.
In recent times, there is a shift in the way children allocate their much more time to use cutting-edge devices instead of doing other physical activities, benefiting them in some cases. One of the most notable advantaged of this is its capacity to enhance children`s some interpersonal skills – social and cognitive skills. When children use these with the aim of social media platforms, for example, they can interact with different people, absorb and understand the life status of others, which improve their both social and communication skills. As a result of these situations and interactions, children may prepare for the difficult times in the near future.
What is more, through these new technologies, children may bolster their cognitive skills. By playing video as well as online games on their phones or computers, those young children may improve their problem-solving, decision-making, and collaboration skills, as they play with others, communicate during the game, and even co-work to accomplish the tasks given. An enhancement in these skills is not only a result of playing phone games, but also studying with the help other platforms, like ChatGPT and Google. An individual learning can be a perfect case in point, when children need to learn something without the help of others or teachers, they easily ask for these platforms, and immediately they access everything they need.
Despite these beneficial aspects, I do not subscribe a group of people who cite the drawbacks of this phenomenon is much significant. As children utilize their mobile phones or computers for a long time, they become addicted to them, leading to a tiredness of their eyes due to the screen rays. This, in turn, can affect their overall well-being negatively – causing some health-related problems.
In conclusion, I am once convinced that the use of technological devices in children may result in several benefits, such as an improvement of interpersonal skills, whereas this might give rise to some severe issues.
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The essay is logically organized and ideas are connected well. However, there are some areas where the flow of ideas could be improved. The essay follows a logical structure, but transitions between paragraphs and within paragraphs could be smoother. The introduction sets up the topic well, but the connection between different points could be enhanced with more explicit linking phrases. Clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph and more explicit linking phrases would help guide the reader through the essay. Ensuring consistent punctuation and spacing will also improve readability.
Suggestions
- Try to use a wider range of linking words to connect your ideas more effectively.
- Make sure that your arguments are presented in a clear and logical order.
The essay uses a wide range of vocabulary and there is evidence of some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of vocabulary, but there are some instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. For example, “One of the most notable advantaged of this is its capacity to enhance children`s some interpersonal skills” should be “One of the most notable advantages of this is its capacity to enhance children’s interpersonal skills.” Ensuring correct word choice and collocation will improve the overall quality of the essay. Additionally, using a wider variety of vocabulary will make the essay more engaging and dynamic.
The essay uses a variety of complex structures. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward constructions. The essay contains a few grammatical errors that affect clarity and readability. For example, “One of the most notable advantaged of this is its capacity to enhance children`s some interpersonal skills” should be “One of the most notable advantages of this is its capacity to enhance children’s interpersonal skills.” Paying attention to grammatical accuracy, including correct verb forms and preposition use, will improve the overall quality of the essay. Additionally, using a wider variety of sentence structures will make the essay more engaging and dynamic.
The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported. The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of children’s use of technological devices. The writer presents a clear position that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages and supports this position with relevant examples. However, the essay could benefit from a more focused thesis statement and a clearer structure in the introduction. Additionally, the conclusion could be more comprehensive in summarizing the main points and reinforcing the writer’s position.
Suggestions
- Make sure to fully develop your arguments and support them with specific examples.
- Consider addressing potential counterarguments to strengthen your position.