The graphs below compare the water levels of six cities in Australia during October 2009 and October 2010.
The bar chart shows changes in the percentage of water level of six cities in Australia during October 2009 and October 2010.
Overall, Sydney, Perth, and Canberra exhibited much bigger figures compared to other categories, with Perth experiencing considerable change during the given span. It is also clear that Darwin was the only country that saw a decreasing trend in terms of water distribution, and the figure for Brisbane remained unchanged.
Turning to specific percentages, Sydney, Perth, and Canberra showed consistently higher figures. Starting at about 77% in October 2009, the proportion of water levels in Sydney increased slightly to 82% in October 2010. The figures for Perth started at 40% in 2009, a figure that then rose significantly to 65% in 2010. As for Canberra, it witnessed a noticeable growth, reaching a peak of 97%.
In contrast, the figures were smaller for the remaining categories. Darwin saw a considerable decline, dropping to 23 % in 2010. The proportion of water levels in Melbourne went up significantly to 40%, up from a minimal 22% in the former year. Only Brisbane leveled off at about 56% over the given period.
The essay demonstrates a logical flow with clear paragraphing. However, transitions between ideas could be smoother.
Suggestions
- Use more linking words to connect ideas.
- Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea.
- Improve the introduction and conclusion for better cohesion.
The essay uses a range of vocabulary with some precision. There are occasional lapses in word choice.
The essay demonstrates a good command of grammar with occasional errors.
The essay addresses the task effectively, covering all key features of the data. However, some details could be more precise.
Suggestions
- Include more precise data comparisons.
- Ensure all key features are clearly summarized.