Some people think that children should grow up in the countryside than in a big city. Do you agree or disagree?
Many individuals believe that children should be mature in the country than a large urban area. I completely agree with this statement because they are always healthy as well as being strong and more clever compared to city children.
First of all, the young who grow up in the countryside are usually healthy and fit. This is because, In rural places, there a lot of fresh air which needs for children to grow. Furthermore, There are many fruity trees which provide with fresh fruits for them to maintain their health and fitness. These days, for example, numerous scientists are conducting many experiments on this point and these studies show that countryside children are stronger than city’s.
Another disadvantage is that they are intelligent. In other words, in the urban places, there are numbers of amusement places, such as, video game zones, parks and discos. So children who reside the cities tend to expand most of their available times in these areas and do not spent time to master knowledge. But in rural areas, there is no option to amuse. Therefore, they usually try to learn something. With these reasons countryside children are smarter. Let’s take rich peoples as an example, Ilon Musk,the richest man in the world, came to the technology industry from ordinary country yard.
To conclude, I agree that children must be risen in the countryside as they grow up as health, powerful and intelligent.
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay follows a logical structure, but the use of cohesive devices is sometimes inaccurate or missing, making the connection between ideas less smooth. Additionally, the conclusion could be more effective in summarizing the main points and reiterating the stance.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transition between ideas.
- Make sure to fully develop your conclusion to effectively summarize the main points and reiterate your stance.
The essay uses a sufficient range of vocabulary and there is evidence of some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of vocabulary related to the topic. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choices that could be revised for clarity and accuracy. Additionally, the use of more varied and precise language could help to strengthen the argument.
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are some errors in grammar and punctuation. However, these errors do not generally impede communication. The essay uses a variety of sentence structures and shows an understanding of grammatical rules. However, there are some errors in verb tense, subject-verb agreement, and preposition use that could be revised for clarity and accuracy. Additionally, the use of more complex grammatical structures could help to strengthen the argument.
The essay addresses the task and presents a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples. The essay clearly addresses the prompt by discussing the benefits of growing up in the countryside as opposed to a big city. The writer presents a clear stance and supports it with relevant arguments. However, the essay could be improved by providing more specific examples and by addressing potential counterarguments more thoroughly.
Suggestions
- Include more specific examples to support your arguments.
- Consider addressing potential counterarguments to strengthen your position.