Map
The maps depict a local park’s difference of when it started working from 1920 till today.
Overall, the park faced huge changes within century. On the other hand, only entries left unchanged throughout this period.
In 1920, three rose gardens were in the park, but nowadays park has two gardens. One of the garden’s which was located in the top left corner of the park, was stayed in the same place. Before, here was the fountain in the middle of the park and through years it was destroyed, while other two rose gardens blended together. Also, the Grange park had great number of seats which disappeared and reconstructed in the around of the rose garden. Stage for musicians updated into the amphitheatre for concerts.
By now, several facilities was built like cafe, children’s play zone and also extra entrance for underground car park. Cafe was located from the right side of the Arnold street’s entry. Pond for water plants was upgraded into children’s entertainment area. Albeit, in 1920, there was a glasshouse which was totally deleted until nowadays and replaced by waterfall feature.
The essay is logically organized and presents a clear central topic in each paragraph. However, there are some issues with the flow of information and the use of cohesive devices.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to improve the flow of information.
- Ensure that each sentence within a paragraph is closely related to the main idea of the paragraph.
The essay uses a sufficient range of vocabulary and there is evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation.
The essay makes use of a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, and there are few grammatical errors. However, there are some errors in the use of articles and prepositions.
The essay addresses all parts of the task and presents a clear overview of the information provided. However, the essay could be improved by providing more specific details and by making more explicit comparisons.
Suggestions
- Provide more specific details about the changes that have taken place in the park.
- Make more explicit comparisons between the two maps.