Task 2 Topic: Some people believe that studying at university is the best way to get a good job, while others think it is better to start working straight after school. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
In recent years the debate is posing disagreement among individuals, some people think that university is the best way to create higher job performance while others believe it can be beneficial to start working straight after school. However, despite others opinion both ways can build personal development and growth as well as learning new skills and adaptability in way of life.
Admittedly, a wide range of opinions depend on the individual’s choice and lifestyle but studying at university can open huge opportunities such as higher education, enhance skills, and knowledge. University provides specialized knowledge and developeds critical thinking skills that are essential for many high paying jobs. Additionally, career opportunities and networking, university is excellent place to build a professional network so students have access to internships, career fairs, and connections, which can open doors to desirable positions. Subsequently, graduated students can achieve personal development and growth for example, studying at university allows individuals to mature both personally and professionally, developing skills such as time management, team work, and problem-solving, all of which are highly valued by employers.
On the other hand, after school those who work can achieve early work experience and financial independence respectively. In addition, starting work straight after school can provide practical hands-on experience. This can be especially beneficial for career in fields such as construction, retail, and technology, where experience often matters more than formal qualifications. Moreover, financial independence: entering the workforce right after school allows individuals to become financially independent sooner. This may be important for those who want to support themselves or their families at an early age. Furthermore, it allows individuals to save money and gain financial experience while deciding whether further education is necessary for their career goals.
In conclusion, both of these ways are effective and lead them to great positions in their workplace. But studying and learning new skills are so crucial to build up bright future as well as promotion in their field at one point.
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some areas where the flow of ideas could be improved. The essay is well-structured, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs that discuss each view, and a conclusion that summarizes your opinion. You use a range of cohesive devices effectively (“Admittedly,” “On the other hand,” “Moreover”), which helps to guide the reader through your argument. To improve cohesion, consider more explicitly linking the ideas in your body paragraphs back to your main argument, especially in the conclusion.
Suggestions
- Try to use a wider range of linking words to improve the flow of your ideas.
- Make sure that your conclusion effectively summarizes your opinion and the main points discussed in the essay.
The essay demonstrates a good command of a broad lexical repertoire. You demonstrate a good command of a wide range of vocabulary relevant to the topic, such as “higher job performance,” “specialized knowledge,” “critical thinking skills,” and “financial independence.” Your use of terminology is appropriate and contributes to a clear and formal style. To further enhance your lexical resource, consider incorporating more varied and precise vocabulary to discuss the benefits of both university education and early work experience more specifically.
The essay uses a variety of complex structures. The essay features a variety of sentence structures and is generally free from grammatical errors, making it clear and easy to understand. However, there are a few minor errors and awkward phrasings that could be refined for greater clarity and precision. For example, “both ways can build personal development and growth as well as learning new skills and adaptability in way of life” could be rephrased for clarity to “both paths can foster personal development, growth, and the acquisition of new skills, as well as adaptability in life.”
The essay addresses the task effectively and provides a clear position throughout the response. However, the conclusion could be more fully developed. You have addressed the task by discussing both views and providing your opinion. You clearly introduce the topic and provide a well-developed argument for each perspective, supported by relevant examples. Your opinion is clearly stated in the conclusion. To further enhance your task response, consider providing a more detailed explanation of how university education and early work experience can complement each other in building a successful career.
Suggestions
- Consider providing a more detailed explanation of your opinion in the conclusion to reinforce your position.