Some people think that dangerous sports should be banned, while others think people should be free to choose. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
It is debated that whether extreme sports should be banned or not, as some people are in favor of personal freedom. High-risk sports should be allowed, provided that adequate precautions are taken.
There are two main benefits to banning these sports. One of them is safety concerns. Dangerous sports would bring serious problems to or even death to risk takers, as well as short-term entertainment. The government, the entire responsible for its citizens’ safety, would not have to worry about it if they banned, allowing them to focus on other important issues such as the standard of living and urban infrastructure. Some sports, such as base jumping, which involve jumping from the peak of the mountain with a parachute, may result in serious injuries and fatalities. Additionally, outlawing these sports could significantly reduces public health costs, as they often lead to high healthcare bills and require long-term medical service. Prohibiting them can reduce the financial strain on healthcare services, allocating more money to other prioritized plans -such as education.
Notwithstanding, autonomy should be considered. If dangerous sports are allowed, individuals would feel a sense of autonomy about their own lives. They could embrace opportunities such as giving a try to sports-like rock climbing or jumping from tall buildings-with taking precautions, such as receiving proper instruction and using tools without even a small glitch. Moreover, these sports are considered as core of revenue, as they can boost economy of tourism industry. Distinctive tourist attractions specialized for extreme sports due to unemployment when the government prohibits them. Extreme sports do not only provide individuals with entertainment, but also some people make a living with their jobs in this industry.
In conclusion, people should be free on their personal choices, although dangerous sports lead to health-related issues.
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay follows a logical structure, but the use of cohesive devices is sometimes inaccurate or missing, making the argument difficult to follow. Additionally, there are some issues with coherence, as the connection between ideas is not always clear. More explicit signposting language could help to improve the overall cohesion and coherence of the essay.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transition between ideas.
- Make the connection between ideas more explicit to improve coherence.
The essay uses a sufficient range of vocabulary and there is evidence of some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of vocabulary related to the topic, with some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choices that could be revised for clarity. Additionally, the use of more varied and precise language could help to strengthen the argument and make the essay more engaging to the reader.
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are few grammatical errors. However, there are some errors in article and preposition usage. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of grammatical structures, with a variety of sentence types used effectively. However, there are a few minor errors in grammar and punctuation that could be revised for clarity. Additionally, the use of more complex grammatical structures, such as relative clauses and passive constructions, could help to strengthen the argument and make the essay more engaging to the reader.
The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples. The essay addresses the topic effectively, presenting a clear position and supporting it with relevant examples. However, the argument could be more fully developed, with more specific examples and a clearer structure in the body paragraphs. Additionally, the conclusion could be more comprehensive, summarizing the main points and restating the position more clearly.
Suggestions
- Ensure that the argument is fully developed and supported with specific examples.
- Provide a clear and comprehensive conclusion that summarizes the main points and restates the position.