Some people think that dangerous sports should be banned, while others think people should free to choose. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Certain individuals hold the view that high-risk sports need to be restricted and others believe that this is peopleʼs choice. I agree that dangerous sports must be autlawed because it has a lot of risks for each individuals.
Focusing on arguments in favour of banning extreme sports firstly, if these sports are prohibited it leads to safety concious. Banning dengirous sports would protect individuals from serious injuries or even death. For example, many countries have rock climbing. This sport is not always safety because sometimes, while people are doing this sport, they may exposure risks, for instance, the rope could snap. As a result people may die. Next argument is that public health costs will noticeably increased. Due to the fact that dangerous sports can result in costly medical bills. Banning them could potentially reduce the financial strain on healthcare services, freeing up resources for more essential medical needs.
Having said that eradiction of risky activities may not be essential because every people have their own interestes which known as a personal freedom. People should have the autonomy to make choices about their personal lifes, including participating in high-risky sports. Banning these activities infringes upon personal freedoms and individual autonomy. For example, rock climbing can be dangerous, but many enthusiasts take precautions, such as using safety equipment and receiving proper training because after they are doing this type of sports, people are absolutely teaching by persons who are good at these activities.
In summary, even though some individuals against the opinion that hazardous sports must be autlawed. Due to the fact that these sports cause many problems which releated to peopleʼs life and from an economic perspective, dangerous sports can reduce financial gains.
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay follows a logical structure, but the use of cohesive devices is sometimes inaccurate or missing, making the argument less clear. Additionally, the conclusion could be more effective in summarizing the main points and restating the position.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transition between ideas.
- Make sure to restate your position and summarize the main points in the conclusion.
The essay uses a sufficient range of vocabulary and there is evidence of some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of vocabulary related to the topic, with some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choices, which could be revised for clarity and accuracy. Additionally, the use of more varied and precise language could help to strengthen the argument.
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are some errors in grammar, punctuation and spelling. However, these errors do not generally impede communication. The essay uses a variety of sentence structures, and the majority of sentences are free from grammatical errors. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect phrasing, which could be revised for clarity and accuracy. Additionally, the use of more varied and complex sentence structures could help to strengthen the argument.
The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout. Both sides of the argument are discussed in a balanced way, and the conclusion effectively summarizes the main points. However, the essay could be improved by providing more specific examples to support the arguments. The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both views on the issue and providing a clear personal opinion. However, the development of the arguments could be more thorough, and the examples provided could be more specific and relevant. Additionally, the conclusion could be more comprehensive in summarizing the main points and restating the position.
Suggestions
- Provide more specific and relevant examples to support the arguments.
- Ensure that the conclusion is comprehensive and effectively summarizes the main points.