Nurmuhammad
The illustration represents changes in the town of Kimsville which has developed in these days. There have been several changes and which, i will discuss in the following paragraphs
Since 2002, there have been noticeable changes with new residential and commercial areas replacing older industrial structures. Additionally, the transportation infrastructure has also been improved with the construction of the new train station addition a new road leading to the train station.
In 2002, the town had the old cinema which has been transformed into a pub and new apartments have been constructed in the area. Previously, the town had a factory located near the city center, which has been replaced by a new train station. Furthermore, the town now has a football stadium, which was not there in 2002. A new software company has also been constructed in the city, replacing the area where there were trees. However, the mall remained unchanged.
The essay is logically organized and the ideas are connected, but there are some areas where the flow of information could be improved. The use of cohesive devices is generally good, but there are a few instances where they could be used more effectively to help the reader follow the argument.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to make the relationships between the ideas more clear.
- Make sure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that all sentences in the paragraph relate to this topic.
The essay uses a good range of vocabulary and there is some evidence of collocation. However, there are a few instances where the word choice could be improved.
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there is some evidence of a range of grammatical structures. However, there are a few grammatical errors that need to be addressed.
The essay addresses all parts of the task and presents a clear overview of the information. However, the essay could be improved by providing more specific details and by making the connections between the different points more explicit.
Suggestions
- Provide more specific details about the changes that have occurred, such as the exact location of the new train station and software company.
- Make the connections between the different points more explicit by using more cohesive devices.