Some people think that dagerous sports should be banned, while others think people should be free to choose
Some people think that sports, including dangerous activities, should be prohibited, while other individuals think people should have freedom of choice. If I am asked, I totally agree that people should be able to decide whether to play dangerous sports or not.
It is no doubt that there are a great deal of people who are passionate about certain dangerous sports. Not only the professional sports players have strong feelings for their sports, but also the people who watch it every day and follow it during their lives. Banning these dangerous sports will not only be harmful to these people, but also to the government as thousands of jobs are created in order to hold such events. Also, the local businesses generate money from the drawn crowds by sports like car racing, boxing, bull riding, which are extremely dangerous for the participants, yet also vital for the economy.
However, there is no denying that such sports can cause disastrous injuries or even deaths to those who play them, as it has repeatedly happened in the history. Moreover, there is a huge possibility of the effect to ordinary people, as they are likely to try to imitate the dangerous actions displayed by professionals and give themselves a serious damage. That is why it is undeniable that dangerous sports have great influence on people’s behaviour.
In conclusion, such sports are excessively risky for participants’ health and life, and have negative influence on people’s behaviour, while these sports also are vital for economy as it creates huge crowds that benefit local businesses and employees, as well as employers.
The essay is logically organized and the ideas are connected well. However, there are a few areas where the flow of ideas could be improved. The essay follows a logical structure, but transitions between paragraphs and within paragraphs could be smoother. The introduction sets up the topic well, but the connection between different points could be enhanced with more explicit linking phrases. Clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph and more explicit linking phrases would help guide the reader through the essay. Ensuring consistent punctuation and spacing will also improve readability.
Suggestions
- Try to use a wider range of linking words to connect your ideas more effectively.
- Make sure that your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points of your essay.
The essay uses a wide range of vocabulary and there is evidence of some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. For example, “the drawn crowds by sports” could be rephrased as “the crowds drawn by these sports.” Improving lexical precision and variety will enhance the clarity and professionalism of the essay. Additionally, ensuring correct spelling and grammar usage will improve overall readability.
The essay demonstrates a good control of a range of grammatical structures, with only minor errors. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect sentence construction. For example, “Not only the professional sports players have strong feelings for their sports, but also the people who watch it every day and follow it during their lives” should be “Not only do professional sports players have strong feelings for their sports, but so do the people who watch it every day and follow it for a living.” Paying closer attention to grammatical accuracy, including correct verb forms and preposition usage, will improve the overall quality of the essay.
The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples. The essay addresses the topic by discussing both the passion of people involved in dangerous sports and the risks associated with them. The writer presents a clear position, but the essay would benefit from a more detailed exploration of the topic, including specific examples and a more thorough discussion of the implications of banning such sports. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points but could be more comprehensive.
Suggestions
- Try to develop your arguments more fully and support them with specific examples.
- Make sure that you fully address all parts of the task.