Some feel that tourism endangers culture while others feel it is beneficial. DIscuss both sides and give your own opinion.
Although some people argue that culture is endangered by tourism, there is another different view indicating its benefit. I will discuss both sides, taking financial profits into consideration along with drawbacks concerning erosion of cultural heritage.
There are some harmful points of visits by tourists apart from financial improvements. It has an unadmittedly impossibility of denying dangers of tourism influencing some aspects like dressing style and mentality based on religious principles. The erosion of dressing principles and ancient traditions peculiar to some country has increased in recent years, especially, in the terms of muslim countries. Islam religion, for instance, banned women to wear such kinds of clothes grabing strange men`s attention to themselves. Nonetheless, the majority of young women are following foreign cultures against their national mentality, taking up dressing stylish with tight trousers and intimate clothes. It is also an unfortunate regret to say that there are some people transferring their gender by surgery to another one. It is regarded as haram in Islam for muslims. In a word, tourism brings about erosion of a specific culture of a country.
On the other hand, tourism brings much more financial income rather than its given drawbacks, too. On the grounds that the more tourists visit a country, the more money that one charge them for a wide range of services during their travel. Particularly, private companies get remarkable income from pleasing the tourists with their high quality services. As a result, not only employers and employees make a living but also the government receive a great amount of taxes from both of the two categories. Thanks to visit of foreign people, local hand-craftsmen do not have any difficulties in selling their hand-made products at a reasonable price without worrying about low interest in purchasing national hand-made items among local individuals. All in all, tourism can improve economic condition of both every citizen and the government.
To sum up, I would support the second view but for the fact that the first one is much more worth taking into accounts because of visibly significant reasons above stated.
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay follows a logical structure, but the use of cohesive devices is sometimes inaccurate or missing, making the connection between ideas less smooth. Additionally, the conclusion could be more effective in summarizing the main points and clearly stating the writer’s opinion.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transition between ideas.
- Make sure to fully develop your conclusion to effectively summarize the main points and clearly state your opinion.
The essay demonstrates a good command of a broad lexical repertoire. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of vocabulary, with some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice that could be revised for clarity and accuracy.
The essay uses a variety of complex structures and shows a good level of grammatical control. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward constructions that could be revised for clarity and accuracy. The essay uses a variety of sentence structures and shows a good level of grammatical control. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward constructions that could be revised for clarity and accuracy.
The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples. The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples. The essay could also benefit from a more detailed exploration of the cultural impacts of tourism, as well as a more thorough discussion of potential benefits.
Suggestions
- Provide more specific examples to support your arguments.
- Ensure that each paragraph fully develops a single idea or argument.