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At present, some countries have a large number of young adults compared to older people. This situation has both advantages and disadvantages, overall that the benefits seem to outweigh the drawbacks.
One advantage is that young people are active work so hard. This helps the government to have more money for services such as education. Moreover, young adults are more likely to create new technologies and ideas, which can lead to innovation and progress in different sphere.
Another positive advantage is that a large number of young people can lead to a more energetic and creative society. They are often do some sports, arts, and other activities that make life more interesting. This can also help improve the country’s global situation.
However, there are some disadvantages. If the number of young adults is too high, there may not be enough jobs for everyone. This might create social problems such as poverty and crime. In addition, the government may face challenges in building enough schools, hospitals, and other places for the growing population.
In conclusion, there are some difficulties, the advantages of having more young people, such as economic growth and innovation, are greater. With good planning, countries can use this opportunity to improve their future.
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay follows a logical structure, but the use of cohesive devices is sometimes inaccurate or missing, making the connection between ideas less smooth. Additionally, the conclusion could be more effective in summarizing the main points and clearly stating the overall stance on the issue.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transition between ideas.
- Make sure to fully develop your conclusion to effectively summarize the main points and clearly state your overall stance on the issue.
The essay uses a sufficient range of vocabulary and there is evidence of some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of vocabulary relevant to the topic, with some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choices that could be revised for clarity and accuracy.
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are few grammatical errors. However, there are some errors in article and preposition usage. The essay uses a variety of sentence structures, and the majority of sentences are free of grammatical errors. However, there are a few instances of incorrect verb forms and sentence structures that could be revised for clarity and accuracy.
The essay addresses the task and provides a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples. The essay addresses the task and provides a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed, with more specific examples needed to support the points made.
Suggestions
- Provide more specific examples to support your points.
- Ensure that each paragraph fully develops a single idea or argument.