The bar chart shows the proportion of men and women aged 60-64 employed in four different countries in 1997 and 2000.
The horizontal bar graph shows variations in the percentage of male and female senior workers from four countries in 1970 and 2000. Overall, while men consistently outnumbered women in the workforce across all countries, their employment rates declined significantly, in contrast to the marginal, if mixed, changes observed in women.
Turning to the details, in 1970, Japan led the pack, with the proportion of its men employed in their 60s standing at a staggering 85%. A figure that then dropped to 74%, marking the smallest decrease. Following closely behind were Belgium (79%) and Australia (76%), where the most dramatic decreases were monitored in elderly employment, to 19% and 47%, respectively. The USA came last, with 73% of its elderly population working, although it saw a relatively modest decrease of 18 percentage points.
With regard to women aged 60-64, changes in employment were nowhere near dramatic. The lion’s share of employees belonged to Japan in this category as well, where 43% of elderly women were employed, after which it went down to 40% by 2000. At the other end of the spectrum was Belgium, with its figures declining negligibly from 7%, up from 8%. The USA and Australia, however, exhibited small increases in the employment of women in their 60s (from 33% to 39% and from 16% to 18%).
The essay is generally well-organized with clear paragraphing. However, there are some minor issues with transitions and clarity in data presentation.
Suggestions
- Use clear transitions between paragraphs.
- Ensure consistent data presentation.
The essay uses a good range of vocabulary with some instances of less precise word choice.
The essay demonstrates a good range of grammatical structures with minor errors.
The essay addresses all parts of the task and provides a clear overview of the data, although some details could be more precise.
Suggestions
- Ensure all data points are accurately represented.
- Provide a clearer summary of the overall trends.