The table shows the obesity rate in one country over a period of time
The line graph gives information about the obesity level in one country from 1971 to 2005. Overall, there is an upward trend between all ages of people, while among 45 and 64 age recorded the highest point in the graph.
The obesity rate among adults accounted for around 8% in the first year, after five years it remained stable. By 1999, there was a considerable increase with about 22% and then this point grew slightly and finished at 25% in the final year. In addition, the number of people among 30 and 44 experienced sharply grows. They started at 15% and it rose from 15% to 30% over 28 years, before declining to slightly. At the end of the period, this ages reached at approximately 36%.
Moving on to other ages of people, such as 45-64 witnessed a gradually increase by 1999, and after 6 years it reached a peak of 40%. The final category of age is elderly among 65-74, started with around 17% and rose about 37% without fluctuations until 1999, however it fell to approximately 35% over 6 years.
The essay presents information in a logical sequence but lacks clarity in some parts.
Suggestions
- Use more cohesive devices to link ideas.
- Clarify the trends for each age group.
- Provide a clearer summary of the overall trends.
The essay uses a limited range of vocabulary with some repetition.
The essay contains frequent grammatical errors that affect clarity.
The essay addresses the task but lacks detailed analysis and accurate data reporting.
Suggestions
- Include more specific data points from the graph.
- Provide a clearer comparison between age groups.
- Summarize the main trends effectively.