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Some people think that the success of life is based on hard work and determination. Others, however, believe that there are more important factors, such as having money or a good appearance. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

The pursuit of success has been a subject of heated debate, with some believing that hard work and determination are the cornerstones of achievement, whereas others claim that external factors, such as wealth or good appearance, are more essential. While both sides present valid arguments, I side with those who argue that other elements hold greater significance.
Proponents of hard work and determination cite various reasons to bolster their viewpoint. When people work hard and stay determined, they cultivate essential qualities such as resilience, perseverance, and adaptability, which not only fosters problem-solving capabilities and emotional fortitude but also enables them to navigate and conquer obstacles. As a result, they acquire indispensable skills, such as leadership, time management, collaboration, and decision-making, all of which are pivotal in attaining success, thereby significantly augmenting their chances of achieving long-term success. Good examples of such people are Cristiano Ronaldo, Zlatan Ibrahimović, N’Golo Kanté, and Jamie Vardy, who have attained extraordinary success through unwavering commitment and tireless efforts despite facing challenges such as humble beginnings, injuries, and intense competition.
Despite these apparent arguments, in my view, other aspects, like having financial advantages and possessing an appealing appearance, bear greater weight. It is because there are many people with wealthy and attractive appearances who have attained higher levels of success as opposed to the aforementioned individuals. Lionel Messi, David Beckham, Neymar Jr., Kylian Mbappé, and Raheem Sterling are prime examples of those who have come from middle-class backgrounds and achieved remarkable success through a combination of financial advantages and stunning appearances. Interestingly, salaries of these athletes can now seem astonishingly high. Neymar, for instance, a Brazilian star who now plays in Saudi Arabia, is reportedly making 100 million dollars a year. Moreover, according to Transfermarkt, Neymar’s market value, at its peak in 2017, was a staggering €222 million, making him the most expensive transfer in football history.
In summary, although there may be certain arguments in favor of hard work and determination as key drivers of success, I remain convinced that other factors, such as financial resources and physical appeal, play a more decisive role in shaping one’s achievements.

8.0

The essay is logically organized and ideas are connected well. The introduction and conclusion are clear and relevant. However, there are a few instances where the flow of ideas could be improved.

Suggestions
  • Try to use a wider range of linking words to connect your ideas more effectively.

The essay demonstrates a good command of a broad lexical repertoire. A wide range of vocabulary is used effectively and accurately. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice.

The essay uses a wide range of complex structures. The majority of sentences are error-free. However, there are a few minor errors.

The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout the response. Both sides of the argument are discussed in a balanced way, and the writer’s opinion is clearly stated and supported.