Some people think that parents should teach their children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the best place to learn this. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
one lessons at home, on the other hand, allow children to progress faster. Furthermore, parents form stronger bonds with their offspring and thus, it is easier for them to shape children’s personalities at an early age. For example, by telling stories such as Robin Hood, Cinderella before bedtime, parents can instil a sense of compassion and integrity into them. These children are likely to become good members of society when they grow up.
In conclusion, although sending children to schools can be seen as a way of teaching them how to be good citizens, I believe that domestic upbringing has a bigger impact on determining who they are in the future.
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there is a slight issue with the flow of ideas in the introduction and conclusion. The introduction should clearly state the topic and the writer’s opinion. The conclusion should effectively summarize the key points discussed and restate the writer’s opinion.
Suggestions
- Use more linking words to improve the flow of ideas.
- Ensure that the introduction and conclusion effectively communicate the topic and the writer’s opinion.
The essay uses a range of vocabulary and there is evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of vocabulary relevant to the topic, such as “domestic upbringing,” “integrity,” and “companionship.” However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice that could be revised for clarity and precision. Additionally, the use of more varied and precise language could enhance the overall quality of the essay.
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are only minor errors. The essay uses a variety of sentence structures, which adds to the overall flow and readability of the writing. However, there are a few grammatical errors that could be corrected for clarity and precision. For example, in the sentence “$one lessons at home, on the other hand, allow children to progress faster,” the word “one” seems to be a typo. Additionally, the use of more varied and complex sentence structures could enhance the overall quality of the essay.
The essay addresses the task and presents a clear position throughout the response. However, the introduction and conclusion could be more effectively linked to the rest of the essay. The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both views and providing a clear personal opinion. The writer presents a well-structured argument with a clear introduction, body paragraphs that discuss each view, and a conclusion that restates the personal opinion. However, the introduction and conclusion could be more effectively linked to the rest of the essay to provide a more cohesive argument. Additionally, the use of more varied and specific examples could enhance the overall quality of the essay.
Suggestions
- Ensure that the introduction and conclusion are effectively linked to the rest of the essay.
- Use a wider range of examples to support the arguments.