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Some people believe that education should focus on preparing students for employment, while others think it should focus on personal development. Discuss both view and give your opinion.

There is a debate over the purpose of education, with some saying it is to prepare students for the workforce and others arguing education should cultivate the individual’s capacities for mental growth and moral development. While education ensuring students are employable after graduation would be beneficial, I believe the ultimate purpose of education is to foster self-improvement.
One of the primary roles of education is to prepare individuals for the workforce, reducing unemployment and inefficiencies. This is because by focusing on job-related skills, students can gain real-world abilities that help them transition smoothly into the workforce after graduation, reducing unemployment and achieving financial stability earlier. If graduates have already learnt employable skills, they could find it easy to become employed without allocating extra money and time for learning new skills. This means that many professions do not require soft skills relating to personal development. For example, nursing, engineering, and military will require only job-related skills. Thus, teaching employable skills can play a significant role in an individual’s life to navigate faster an increasingly complex world.
However, indeed, rapid advancement in technology and globalisation, employers are increasingly seeking individuals equipped with essential soft skills, namely problem-solving abilities, critical thinking, and a discerning eye for detail. Focusing only on employment might limit students’ ability to adapt to changing industries. But creative individuals can think outside the box, solve complex problems, and adapt to rapidly changing industries, so many professions require personal development. For example, requirements of some jobs—nursing, military, and engineering—could not include this type of skill, whereas business, logistics, IT, and science would prioritise self-enhancement. Personal development may include not only creativity and critical thinking but also teamwork. By teamwork, societies and businesses will thrive. This means that employees share their unique ideas and may make decisions together.
In conclusion, graduates getting ready for a job earlier have their own unique advantages as they can achieve financial stability early and join the workforce smoothly. That said, personal development should be the ultimate aim of education because only self-improvement may fuel technological and societal advancements.

8.0

The essay is logically organized and ideas are connected well. The introduction and conclusion are clear and relevant. However, there are a few instances where the flow of ideas could be improved. Transitions between paragraphs and within paragraphs could be smoother to guide the reader through the essay more effectively. Some sentences are slightly disjointed and could be more effectively linked to the preceding and following sentences to ensure a seamless flow of ideas.

Suggestions
  • Improve the flow of ideas between sentences and paragraphs.

The essay uses a wide range of vocabulary and there is evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. Some sentences contain awkward phrasing or minor errors that slightly hinder clarity and readability.

The essay demonstrates a good control of a range of grammatical structures, with only minor errors. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect sentence construction.

The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout. Both sides of the argument are discussed in detail and the writer’s opinion is clearly stated. However, the essay could be improved by providing more specific examples to support the arguments.

Suggestions
  • Provide more specific examples to support your arguments.