Some people think that young people should be required to stay in full-time education until they are at least 18 years old. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Whether or not children should receive compulsory education until 18 has become a topic of much heated debate in recent years. There could be some merits to children studying at school until adulthood. However, I contend that children should be granted freedom over choosing their own paths after a certain age.
On the one hand, students should finalize their school education for two valid reasons. First, along with providing basic knowledge of reading and writing, schools prepare children for real life, teaching them necessary life skills, such as communication and punctuality, to navigate in their future lives. Studies have shown that students who receive compulsory education tend to have an increased chance of pursuing a promising career across such domains as medicine and aviation. Second, school can serve as cultural settings in which children can establish lasting relationships and create a network of friends, thus becoming successful adults who can contribute to societal developments.
However, one-size-fits-all approach does not always bring expected benefits. Forcing students to study at school until they are 18 can be disadvantageous for two chief reasons – losing talents and forming dislike for schooling system in children. In fact, young talented people should be encouraged to refine their innate in special educational settings rather than get involved in studying subjects that bring no practical benefit to them in the long run. As an example, in many parts of the globe, including my country – Uzbekistan, children are likely to waste their childhood unwillingly engaging in too many subjects and doing too much homework, which can definitely cause their dislike for schools and eventually defeat the real purpose of studying.
To conclude, the idea of children committing to school education until adulthood can be beneficial, as this can turn them into successful adults in the future, enabling them to learn necessary skills for life, as well as gaining basic knowledge. On the other hand, this could hinder the talented from self-discovery and self-development, and form a dislike for schools.
The essay is logically organized and ideas are connected well. The introduction and conclusion are clear and relevant. However, there are a few areas where the flow of ideas could be improved.
Suggestions
- Try to use a wider range of linking words to connect your ideas.
- Ensure that your examples are directly relevant to the point you are making.
The essay uses a wide range of vocabulary and there is evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice.
The essay shows a good control of a range of grammatical structures, with only minor errors. However, there are a few sentences that could be rephrased for clarity.
The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout. The arguments are well-developed and supported with relevant examples. However, the introduction could be more engaging and the conclusion could be more comprehensive.
Suggestions
- Consider revising the introduction to make it more engaging and to provide a clearer thesis statement.
- Consider revising the conclusion to make it more comprehensive. You could summarize the main points made in the essay and restate your position more clearly.