Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?
With the development of technology children are spending hours on their smartphones, not being able to take their eyes of the screens, with the same process repeating itself every day.
This essay will cover the root cause of this development, while discussing on if it is a positive or a negative approach.
Today, no textbook is needed, with a tap of a button people have a free access on what they want may it be a book or being able to travel to the corner of the world. With this kind of power smartphones keep children entertained, coming handy for the parents without having to care by giving their phones to their children or by buying them smartphones from an early age. There comes the outcomes, vision loss, negative effects of smartphones to the yet to be developed children’s brains, free access translates into being able to talk to strangers with children becoming the prey of children predators or engaing in illegal websites, thratening both the children and the parents.
The essay is somewhat coherent, but the flow is disrupted by some unclear or disjointed sentences. The use of conjunctions and transitions could be improved to enhance readability.
Suggestions
- Use transitional phrases to connect ideas more smoothly.
- Ensure that each sentence logically follows from the previous one.
The essay uses a range of vocabulary, but there are some inaccuracies and awkward phrases. More sophisticated and precise vocabulary could be used to discuss the topic in depth.
The essay demonstrates a basic understanding of grammar, but there are several errors that affect the readability and clarity of the writing. Punctuation and sentence structure need improvement.
The essay addresses the prompt by discussing why children spend hours on smartphones and whether this is a positive or negative development. However, it does not fully explore the implications of this behavior. The arguments are not well-developed, and the essay lacks a comprehensive conclusion.
Suggestions
- Provide more detailed examples and evidence to support your points.
- Consider discussing both the positive and negative aspects in a more balanced way.