Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

In these days, children tend to spend a lot of time in front of their phones. This essay will discuss the potential factors, contributing to this problem, and decide whether this is the positive or negative trend.
There are a lot of reasons contributing to increasing children’s time spent in front of screens. Initially, due to the fact that it is hard to survive without complete dedication, parents do not have enough time to spend with their children. As a consequence of parental lack of time, youngsters are left alone with their mobile devices for the better part of the day. Furthermore, because of technological innovations, it has become easy even for children to make profit by sitting in front of screen. Thus, children may want to make their own money. Take an example of traders (so-called businessmen), they earn tons of money by monitoring the lines and choosing the right moment to sell this business.
In my opinion, children spending a lot of time next to their mobiles is negative trend, eventhough the positive outcomes offered by phones. First and foremost, the children may endure vast amount of health issues such as visual issues and spine misdevelopment. As it was mentioned above children spend most of their time staring at the screen. Consequently, they may hurt their eyes. When it comes to spine issues, it is not secret that most of the time spent on phones for both the adults and their juniors was spent while sitting. As a result of sedimentary lifestyle of children, they might misdevelop their spines. Additionally, there is also a chance of finding in age-inappropriate websites or video games. As a result of visits to these virtual realms, showing violence and invading censorship by showing them uncensored, they even might endure mental health issues. Finally, there is also great chance of them getting addicted to their phones and losing the ability to think properly without their mobile devices.
In conclusion, while the factors, such as parental lack of time and juveniles’ will to make money, are contributing to their immense amount of time spent staring at the screens, it is negative trend due to the potential negative outcomes like health issues, mental issues and phone addiction.

6.5

The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay is well-structured, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The introduction clearly states the topic and the writer’s opinion. However, the body paragraphs could be more clearly connected to each other and to the thesis statement. The use of transitional phrases and cohesive devices is somewhat inconsistent, which affects the overall coherence of the essay. Additionally, the conclusion could be more effective in summarizing the main points and restating the thesis.

Suggestions

Use a variety of cohesive devices to improve the flow of the essay and make it more coherent.

The essay demonstrates a good command of a broad lexical repertoire. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of vocabulary, with appropriate use of academic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice that could be revised for clarity and precision. Additionally, the use of synonyms could be increased to avoid repetition and enhance the overall quality of the writing.

The essay uses a variety of complex structures. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward constructions. The essay demonstrates a good command of a range of grammatical structures, with some variety in sentence structure. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward constructions that could be revised for clarity and accuracy. Additionally, the use of punctuation is generally good, but there are a few instances of incorrect or missing punctuation that could be corrected to improve the overall readability of the essay.

The essay addresses the task effectively, providing a clear position throughout the response. The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing the reasons why children spend a lot of time on their smartphones and whether this is a positive or negative trend. The writer presents a clear thesis statement in the introduction and provides well-developed arguments to support their position. However, the essay could be improved by providing more specific examples to support the arguments and by offering a more nuanced discussion of the topic. Additionally, the conclusion could be strengthened by summarizing the main points and restating the thesis more clearly.