Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

In digital world, it is common that children are spending more time on their mobile phones. In this essay, I will give some possible causes of this trend and decide whether it is a positive or a negative development.
There are numerous reasons why some children are opted for using their phones. Far and farmost, they are isolated from the outside of the world by video games. In this case, children play a lot of combat and other types of games in their inactive lifestyles rather than doing some outdoor activities. Additionally, thanks to development of social media, young people are spending vulnerable time on these platforms, just scrolling up and down the videos on them. Thus, that’s why most parents are being witnessed to see their children become addicted to their smartphones.
It is true that some children do not have siblings so as to entertain with them, hence they need to play games and browse on the internet to enjoy and not to feel of loneliness. And so, we cannot neglect this kind of circumstances although I am of the opinion that screentime affects badly to children. There are many negative aspects of this trend. It causes more serious problems to children’ both mental and physical conditions. If youngesters are addicted to play games, they will struggle with eye-related issues. Furthermore , sitting too much in front of screen can contribute some negative feelings, such as depression and anxiety as you cannot able to communicate face-to-face that you feel isolated and neglected. These problems screentime create should be addressed and people need to curb this situation before everything becomes more serious.
In conclusion, video games and social media are main factors of this habit of children, I believe that even though some young people need smartphones, making up for their brothers and sisters, children should stay away from their phones so as not to encounter some health related problems.

6.5

The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay follows a logical structure, but the use of cohesive devices is sometimes inaccurate or missing, making the connection between ideas less smooth. Additionally, the conclusion could be more effective in summarizing the main points and reiterating the stance on the issue.

Suggestions

Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transition between ideas.
Make sure to link all the ideas in a paragraph to the main point of the paragraph.

The essay uses a sufficient range of vocabulary and there is evidence of some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of vocabulary related to the topic, with some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choices that could be revised for clarity and accuracy. Additionally, the use of more varied and precise language could help to strengthen the argument.

The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, and there are few grammatical errors. However, there are some errors in article and preposition usage, as well as some awkward phrasings. The essay uses a variety of sentence structures, which helps to maintain the reader’s interest. However, there are a few grammatical errors that could be corrected for clarity and accuracy. For example, “far and farmost” should be “far and foremost,” and “some young people need smartphones, making up for their brothers and sisters,” could be rephrased for clarity.

The essay addresses the task effectively, providing a clear position throughout the response. The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing the reasons why children spend a lot of time on their smartphones and whether this is a positive or negative development. The writer presents a clear explanation of the factors contributing to this trend and the potential negative effects on children’s physical and mental health. However, the essay could be strengthened by providing more specific examples and by offering a more detailed exploration of the potential benefits of smartphone use for children. Additionally, the conclusion could be more comprehensive in summarizing the main points and clearly restating the writer’s position.