Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?
It has been argued that some children spend their lifes in their gadgets like to phones every day. What can be cause to this kind of problems and what consequence it can make. In my view negative evolves more than positive developments.
In 10 years individuals have made too many technologies and useful gadgets also they have written guidelines to using correctly. In this guideline always mentions ages permission, like for phones it’s 14-15, but many parents just ignore it and purchase for their kids to not trying to bother them when they are watching TV series or doing tasks from work. Conversely, using phone without control from parents can lead, to get use to it and it will be habit to fall asleep, have breakfast, dinner and lunch and doing some kind of housework with smartphone. Also children enjoy playing mobile games with friends online which means they don’t have to go outside to hang out with neighbours.
By over using gadgets children will have problems with health. Social media shows that most kids have trouble with sleeping because they sacrifice times of sleeping to just watch or play something on screen which could cause insomnia in their early ages. Kid’s eyes are one of the tender part of our body, by watching in night can decrease vision of eyes until you will wear glasses to properly seeing around. They also will have troubles with communicating, because they are isolated and addicted to it.
In conclusion, some children spend hours every day on their smartphone and get problem in health and communication. I think encouraging parents to pay more attention to their children will be right things to do.
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay follows a logical structure, but the use of cohesive devices is sometimes inaccurate or missing, making the connection between ideas less smooth. Additionally, the conclusion could be more effective in summarizing the main points and reiterating the author’s stance.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transition between ideas.
- Make sure to fully develop your conclusion to effectively summarize the main points and reiterate your stance.
The essay uses a sufficient range of vocabulary and there is evidence of some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of vocabulary related to the topic. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choices that could be revised for clarity and accuracy. Additionally, the use of more varied and precise language could help to strengthen the argument.
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are some errors in grammar and punctuation. However, these do not detract from the overall clarity of the writing. The essay uses a variety of sentence structures, which adds to the overall quality of the writing. However, there are some grammatical errors that could be addressed for clarity and accuracy. Additionally, the use of more complex grammatical structures could help to strengthen the argument.
The essay addresses the task and provides a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples. The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing the reasons why some children spend hours on their smartphones and the potential negative consequences of this behavior. The writer presents a clear position and supports it with relevant examples. However, the argument could be further developed to provide a more comprehensive analysis of the issue.
Suggestions
- Include more specific examples to support your arguments.
- Ensure that each paragraph fully develops a single idea or argument.