Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?
In our days many of younger generations are spending most of their time on cell phones. I believe that there are many reasons that affect to this development and, in my view it has more negative effects than positive.
One of the main reasons is that, the children are more likely to be brainwashed by the content they watch. Most of the content that are posted on the internet attract young people by fun. Once children see this kind of videos, they become more and more day by day.
Another reason, causing to this issue is games. Gaming on the mobile phones is developing in a very fast phase these days and it is playing one of the big roles in addiction of the children to their phones. Games such as PUBG, league of legends are favored by children because they are able to play these games in squads. By not leaving their room they can play with their friends and communicate.
Despite of the benefits, I believe that the negatives outweigh them. One of the biggest negative is that by overwatching the videos and overplaying the games children are meant to be facing with vision problems. The light, coming from screen of the smartphones is found harmful to the eyes. Moreover, the distant between eye and screen is very short in this case.
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay follows a logical structure, but the use of cohesive devices is sometimes inaccurate or missing, making the connection between ideas less smooth. Additionally, the conclusion could be more effective in summarizing the main points and reiterating the writer’s stance.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transition between ideas.
- Make sure to fully develop your ideas in each paragraph and connect them back to the main argument.
The essay uses a sufficient range of vocabulary and there is evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of vocabulary related to the topic. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choices that could be revised for clarity. Additionally, the use of more varied and precise language could help to strengthen the argument.
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are some grammatical errors and inaccuracies in the use of articles and prepositions. The essay uses a variety of sentence structures, which adds variety and interest to the writing. However, there are some grammatical errors and inaccuracies in the use of articles and prepositions that could be revised for clarity. Additionally, the use of more complex grammatical structures could help to strengthen the argument.
The essay addresses the task and provides a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples. The essay clearly addresses the prompt by discussing the reasons why many young people spend a lot of time on their smartphones and the implications of this behavior. The writer takes a clear stance that the negative effects of this behavior outweigh the benefits and provides reasons to support this view. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples. Additionally, the conclusion could be more effective in summarizing the main points and reiterating the writer’s stance.
Suggestions
- Include more specific examples to support your arguments.
- Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and is well supported by the rest of the essay.