Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?
This essay will discuss whether youngsters becoming addicted to their smartphones is a positive or a negative trend.
Coming from the causes which lead children to use smartphones, are parents who choosed to work and concentrated on providing or the vibrant life-style which is developing day-by-day. Back in a decades family illustrated: a man who worked to provide for a family, and a woman who took care of house and children. While men were mainly busy by providing, women cooked and played with their babies. From the beginning of 2000s both parents started working. In most of the cases, nanny services are not affordable enough. Family which is living from paycheck to paycheck, because of the changing lifestyle, can never hair a person to take care of their children, it forces parents to left them alone with smartphones.
In my own point of view, this situation is more positive than negative. For example, when first books were written, kingdoms banned and thought it only has devastating effects. Nowadays, books became something holy and it is demonstration of smartness. In this point, I would say tolerance is a key. Adults should become more open-minded and tolerant. Moreover, there is no single way to stop this development from happening. Older generation should accept and teach children how to use smartphones properly and more beneficially for them. For instance, they can download games which forces kids brains to think, by this way it increases its skills.
To conclude, world is running ahead not back to “Stone period”. Accepting and supporting new developments will have its positive effects. Adults sticking in old and kind traditions will keep new generation from creating their own traditions, news, scientific openings and so on. Parents should focus on teaching not judging.
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay is structured with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which helps in maintaining a logical flow. However, the use of cohesive devices is sometimes awkward, leading to a lack of clarity in the relationship between ideas. Additionally, the connection between some ideas within paragraphs could be strengthened to improve overall cohesion.
Suggestions
- Try to use a variety of cohesive devices appropriately to ensure smooth transitions between ideas.
- Make sure that the connection between ideas within paragraphs is clear and logical.
The essay uses a sufficient range of vocabulary and there is evidence of some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation. The essay demonstrates a good command of a range of vocabulary related to the topic. However, there are some instances of awkward or incorrect word choices that could be clarified to improve the overall quality of the writing. Additionally, the use of more precise and varied vocabulary could help in better conveying the intended meaning.
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are some errors in grammar, punctuation and spelling. However, these errors do not generally impede communication. The essay uses a variety of sentence structures, which adds to the overall interest of the writing. However, there are some grammatical errors that can hinder the reader’s understanding. For example, subject-verb agreement errors and incorrect verb forms are present in some sentences. Proofreading to correct these errors is recommended. Additionally, the use of more complex grammatical structures, such as relative clauses, could help in demonstrating a higher level of grammatical proficiency.
The essay addresses the task and provides a well-developed response with relevant, extended and supported ideas. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples. The essay addresses the topic by discussing the reasons behind the addiction of children to smartphones and the implications of this trend. However, the argument could be more fully developed, and the ideas could be more thoroughly explored. Additionally, the conclusion could be strengthened by summarizing the main points and clearly restating the position.
Suggestions
- Try to develop your argument more fully and support it with specific examples.
- Ensure that your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and clearly restates your position.