Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?
Some young people lose track of time on their smartphones. This essay will discuss causes, pros and cons of this phenomenion.
It is not surprise that some young individuals depend on their gadjets becouse smartphones collect variaty functions in itselves. For instance different language teaching apps, mobile games social media apps, access to the internet and other functions like these. The developers and digital companies want to make their product attractive and interesting for their users. Therefore when youth and even adults can spent much time without noticing. In addition many parents usually give smartphone to their children quit. They put some vedio or game for their children and children may be calm becouse it is interesting for them. By the time they can be dependible and addictive to these things and spending much time in front of screen can lead children’s social isolation, bad physical and mental health issues.
However, if children gain useful skills like languages and search information from internet by smartphones it can be benifitial. For instance, the app dualingo can be helpfull to pick up other foreign languages. On the other hand videogames may help to improve children’s critical thinking and their reactions. In addition they also take some online courses learn them trough their smartphones.
In conclusion, while smartphone usage has negative impacts to young individuals it can be benefitial if parents control their children and put some limit for their children.
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay is structured with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which helps in maintaining a logical flow. However, the use of cohesive devices is sometimes inaccurate or missing, which can make the connection between ideas unclear. Additionally, the use of linking words to connect sentences within paragraphs could be improved to enhance the overall coherence. More cohesive devices such as “furthermore” or “in addition” could be used to better link ideas within paragraphs. Ensuring that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that all sentences in the paragraph support that topic would also help in improving the essay’s overall coherence.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transition between ideas.
- Make sure to link sentences within paragraphs more effectively.
The essay uses a sufficient range of vocabulary and there is evidence of some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation. The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, especially with terms related to the topic such as “gadget,” “addictive,” and “beneficial.” However, there are instances of awkward or incorrect word choices that can detract from the overall clarity and effectiveness of the essay. For example, “dependible” should be “dependable,” and “trough” should be “through.” Paying attention to word choice and ensuring correct spelling and collocation would enhance the overall lexical resource of the essay.
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are some errors in grammar and punctuation. However, these errors do not impede communication. The essay attempts to use a variety of sentence structures, but there are some grammatical errors that can affect the clarity and readability of the essay. For example, “It is not surprise” should be “It is not surprising,” and “spend much time without noticing” should be “spend much time without being aware.” Paying attention to grammatical accuracy, especially with verb forms and sentence structure, would improve the overall grammatical range and accuracy of the essay.
The essay addresses the task and provides a relevant response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples. The essay addresses the prompt by discussing the reasons why some young people spend hours on their smartphones and the implications of this behavior. However, the essay could benefit from a more focused thesis statement that clearly outlines the main points to be discussed. Additionally, the essay could provide more specific examples to support the arguments made. The conclusion could also be strengthened by summarizing the main points discussed and providing a more definitive stance on the issue.
Suggestions
- Provide more specific examples to support your arguments.
- Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that all sentences in the paragraph support this idea.