Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

These days, the young generations are commonly seen spending their time on the smartphones. This essay will explore potential causes behind this trend and decide whether it is beneficial or disadvantageous.
There abundance of reasons, but the major encouragements are their parents and peers. It is commonly seen that children view their parents as superiors and try to copy their behaviours. Since almost all of the adults utilize mobile phones, how is that possible to expect the youngs not to use them? Furthermore, children themselves can play the role of triggers for their peers, too. That’s simply because of the comparisons they made with others. Childrens have sense of feel which makes them think — why i don’t own one while others do. If their parents don’t agree with them, they can even go to the point where they stop respecting their parents.
There is no doubt that this development is detrimental for their health — both physically and mentally. Firstly, children can become obese owing to the fact that their lide will become more sedentrial. Due to the fast foods youngs have already gained fat, it is hard to imagine what alike they will become with this harmful combination. Besides this, there is a high tendency that they will lack in terms of cognitive abilities, when they use their phones for extended amount of time. Therefore, their chance of having happy and meaningful life will drastically go down thanks to the possible gaps between them and the world.
In summary, children’s parents and peers are the main resources that encourage children to use smartphones and it definitely brings repercussions to the child’s life, like obesity and isolation. Moreover, even if it is used in useful way, it is still considered detrimental because they will put their vision in jeopardy, too.

6.5

The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay is structured with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which helps in organizing the information. However, there are some issues with coherence in the body paragraphs, as the ideas seem to be somewhat disjointed. Additionally, the use of cohesive devices could be improved to better guide the reader through the text.

Suggestions

Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transition between ideas.
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and that all sentences in the paragraph support that idea.

The essay uses a sufficient range of vocabulary and there is evidence of some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation. The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with appropriate use of academic language. However, there are some instances of awkward or incorrect word choices that could be revised for clarity and precision. Additionally, the use of synonyms could be increased to avoid repetition and enhance the lexical resource.

The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are some errors in grammar and punctuation. The essay demonstrates a good command of grammar, with a variety of sentence structures used effectively. However, there are some grammatical errors and awkward constructions that could be revised for clarity and accuracy. Additionally, the use of punctuation could be improved to enhance the overall readability of the essay.

The essay addresses the task effectively, providing a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples. The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing the reasons behind the excessive use of smartphones by children and evaluating the implications of this trend. The writer presents a clear position and supports it with relevant arguments. However, the essay could be improved by providing more specific examples to support the arguments made.