Map graph
The maps compare the changes in museum between 1998 and 2008. Overall, what we can see in the maps is that, old museum with entertaiment and leisure facilities gave way to modern ones. Exhibition space convert north wards, and it made way for shop and coatroom. Elsewhere a large cafe was downsized instead of WC room. The garden in the middle, demolished and constructor new fountain
In 1998, the museum’s service areas was smaller and few facilities for visitors. Access to the museum was from south, with ticket desk and entrance area and temporary exhibition room located in the top left corner, the shop was situated in the right corner. There was WC room and coat room adjacent to shop. Lastly, there were north ward large garden and cafe.
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By 2008, significant changes had taken place in the museum. The shop and coatroom comes at the expense temporary exhibiting room, it was responsitioned to another empty space and a new restaurant has been built northern area. There was a cafe next to restaurant, this cafe was downsized and in it’s place occupied by WC room. Finaly the garden in the middle of the museum. It chop down and repuposed into fountains.
E.M
The essay is logically organized and presents a clear overview of the changes. However, there are some issues with the flow of information and the use of cohesive devices.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to improve the flow of information.
- Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that all sentences in the paragraph relate to that topic.
The essay uses a range of vocabulary and there is some evidence of an attempt to use a more formal style. However, there are some issues with word choice and collocation.
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there is some attempt to use a more formal style. However, there are some grammatical errors and the use of punctuation is not always accurate.
The essay provides a clear overview of the information presented in the maps and makes some comparisons where relevant. However, the essay could be improved by providing more detailed explanations of the changes and by making more comparisons between the two time periods.
Suggestions
- Provide more detailed explanations of the changes that have occurred.
- Make more comparisons between the two time periods to highlight the significant changes.