Some people think that the education system should only focus on preparing students for employment, while others believe it has other important functions. Discuss both sides and then give your own opinion.
Many people feel that getting pupils ready for their careers should be the main focus of schools, whereas others believe that schools have additional purposes.My arguments for this point are listed in the following.
There are advantages of schools only forcing on preparing teenage people for their working lives. If teenage people are better prepared for their vacations they will be more prosperous in their working lives. As well as this they will withal make more moneyand be able to fortify themselves preponderant. For instance, some recent stories in the media highlighted that students who finish high school are less liable to be unemployed, and more liable to earn higher salaries.
However, there are also advantages of schools having other functions. First of all, they should teach students skills to make them well-rounded. By teaching communication skills and how to use technology the students will be better rounded individuals. Although these are important skills in today’s communityand so they should be learnt at school. As well as this school should teach morals and ethics because this will make the society better. For example, many people feel that this aspect of schooling has become neglected, and has led to a deterioration of nation.
In conclusion,I believe both sides of the argument have their merits. On balance, however, it seems that schools should have other functions. This is because if the students are well-rounded they will be more successful in their lives and contribute more to population.
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay follows a logical structure, but the use of cohesive devices is sometimes inaccurate or missing, making the connection between ideas less smooth. Additionally, the conclusion could be more effective in summarizing the main points and clearly stating the writer’s opinion.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transition between ideas.
- Make sure to fully develop your conclusion to effectively summarize the main points and clearly state your opinion.
The essay demonstrates a good command of a broad lexical resource, with some less common words and phrases. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with some less common words and phrases. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice that could be revised for clarity and accuracy.
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and a variety of grammatical structures. However, there are several grammatical errors that can be distracting for the reader. The essay contains several grammatical errors, including issues with subject-verb agreement, tense consistency, and preposition use. These errors can be distracting and may affect the overall clarity of the essay.
The essay addresses the task and presents a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples. The essay addresses the topic and presents a clear position, but the argument could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples.
Suggestions
- Include more specific examples to support your arguments and make your position more convincing.
- Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that all sentences in the paragraph support that idea.