Fewer young people play sport is exercise these days?
Now days the huge amount of young aduls lost their motivation to play various tupe of sports.Losto of factors increasingly push young people to have sedentary lifestyle without any adequate exercise. Although many young ages would rather ignore sports of their lifestyle, there are a lot of thing to courage people to commence playing sport from younger ages such as increasing health awareness of community. Recently sedentary lifestyle have lots of reputation in society,moreover many research have shown that’s the huge proportion of people around the world are not interested in playing some sport. They resaerched have also proven that a lot of factors such as:economic situation,technology development might be caused of this issue. It has always been controversial dreadful economic situation has directly impact on society, people put under more and more pressure to work long hours to gain well-paid ot gain well-paid it leadsto sport are removed from their daily program. Moreover after technology has developed and computer games has been introduced to the global markets many people specially young adult and teenagars have become addiction to play video game. Some study have shown that teenagers spend approximately 10 hours per a day to play video game and it has remarkable negative influence on their health,however there are lot of solution which help socity to overcome this issue.Unfavourable economic situation could rose this issue but government can implicate some project to deal with lifestyle without activity. Firstly many campaigns should be created by health ministry to make health awareness for community and lots of advertisement must be shown on TV and social media to increase people knowledgeable about numerous detrimental affect of sedentary method. Secondly, business owner must be forced by governments to add sufficient sport time during work hours or during a week, for example lots of sport competitions can be held at sweeping area between employees. Not only does it make them motivated but also courage them to play sport to keep fit and be far away from sedentary lifestyle.
In conclusion, while people are surrounded by lots of cases to decline their activity, but government can encourage young adult by collaborating with business owner.
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay follows a logical structure, but the use of cohesive devices is sometimes inaccurate or missing, making the connection between ideas less smooth. Additionally, the conclusion could be more effective in summarizing the main points and reinforcing the overall message of the essay.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transition between ideas.
- Make sure to link all the ideas in a paragraph to the main point of the paragraph.
The essay uses a sufficient range of vocabulary and there is evidence of some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of vocabulary related to the topic, with some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choices, which can be distracting for the reader. Additionally, the use of more varied and precise language could help to convey the ideas more effectively.
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are some errors in grammar, punctuation and spelling. However, these errors do not generally impede communication. The essay uses a variety of sentence structures, which adds variety and interest to the writing. However, there are some grammatical errors and inaccuracies in punctuation and spelling, which can detract from the overall clarity and effectiveness of the writing. Proofreading is recommended to correct these errors and improve the overall quality of the writing.
The essay addresses the task effectively and provides a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples. The essay effectively addresses the topic by discussing the reasons behind the decrease in young people playing sports and suggesting ways to combat this issue. The writer presents a clear position and supports it with relevant examples and explanations. However, the essay could benefit from a more focused thesis statement and a clearer structure in the introduction to guide the reader on what to expect in the following paragraphs.
Suggestions
- Ensure that the introduction clearly states the thesis and main points that will be discussed in the essay.
- Provide more specific examples to support the arguments.