Fewer young people play sports and exercise these days. Why is this? What are the effects of this?
In the today fast-paced world, fewer young people are engaging in sports or regular exercise. This trend has been growing for several reasons, leading to serious consequences for individuals and society.
Firstly, young people are spending more time on smartphones, games, and social media instead of participating in physical activities. Academic pressure is another factor. Urbanization and sedentary lifestyles have shifted priorities, with many viewing sports as less important.
Secondly, not engaging in sports limits opportunities to develop teamwork, discipline, and social skills. Many young people are in greater risk of obesity, cardiovascular and other lifestyle-related diseases.
The decreasing interest in sports and exercise among young people is a concerning trend. Addressing this issue requires concerted efforts from families and communities. We can help young people lead healthier and more balanced lives
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there is room for improvement in the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay follows a logical structure, but the use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, affecting the overall coherence. The introduction sets up the main points well, but the connection between different ideas could be enhanced with more effective linking words or phrases. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points but could be more comprehensive.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transition between ideas.
- Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that all sentences in the paragraph relate to this topic.
The essay uses a sufficient range of vocabulary and there is evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of vocabulary related to the topic. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice that could be revised for clarity. Additionally, the use of more varied and precise language could enhance the overall quality of the essay.
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are few grammatical errors. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect sentence construction. The essay demonstrates a good command of a range of grammatical structures, and the majority of sentences are well-constructed. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect sentence construction that could be revised for clarity. Additionally, the use of more varied sentence structures could enhance the overall quality of the essay.
The essay addresses the task effectively and provides a clear position throughout the response. However, the essay could be improved by providing more specific examples to support the arguments. The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing the reasons behind the decrease in sports and exercise among young people and the effects of this trend. The writer takes a clear position and supports it with relevant examples. However, the essay could be improved by providing more specific examples to support the arguments. Additionally, the conclusion could be more comprehensive.
Suggestions
- Include more specific examples to support your arguments.
- Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and is well-developed.