Some people think that dangerous sports such as boxing and motor-racing should be banned. To what extent do you agree or disagree

Nowadays, there is huge debate between people that extreme sports such as boxing and motor-racing ought to be prohibited or not. However, from my subjective view, this type of activities mustn’t be banned because of the valuable history that is inherited by our ancestors and the likelihood which gives opportunity to take part in the Olympic games.
First and foremost, many high-risk sports have come from traditions passed down by our forebears and limiting them would mean losing an important part of our heritage. Furthermore , if we don’t allow training them any more, we might not be unable to find connection to our previous culture and fail to honor the traditions of the past. For instance, wrestling and horse racing have been part of Central Asian history for centuries, showing the strength and courage of the humans.
Moreover, paying attention to modern extreme sports and stimulate people to participate the Olympic Games might lead to create new Champions. Also, increasing number of winners are likely to make their homeland famous among the other countries. For example, Shaun White who is from USA broke the world record in snowboarding. As a result , his success brought pride to the United States and popularized this game worldwide.
In conclusion, risky sports like boxing and motor-racing should not be banned. They are essential parts of our culture and assist preserve traditions from the past. What is more, they give athletes the chance to compete in the Olympic game, which brings glory to their countries.

6.5

The essay is logically organized and the ideas are connected, but there are some areas where the flow of ideas could be improved. The essay follows a logical structure, but transitions between paragraphs and within paragraphs could be smoother. The introduction sets up the topic well, but the connection between different points could be enhanced with more explicit linking phrases. Clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph and more explicit linking phrases would help guide the reader through the essay. Ensuring consistent punctuation and spacing will also improve readability.

Suggestions

Improve the flow of ideas between sentences and paragraphs.
Use a wider range of linking words to connect ideas more effectively.

The essay uses a good range of vocabulary and there is some evidence of a flexible use of vocabulary, but there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. The essay demonstrates a good command of a range of vocabulary, but there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. For example, “limiting them would mean losing an important part of our heritage” could be rephrased as “banning them would result in a loss of our cultural heritage.” Improving word choice and using more precise language will help convey the ideas more clearly and effectively. Additionally, ensuring correct spelling and grammar usage will improve overall clarity and professionalism.

The essay uses a variety of complex structures, but there are a few grammatical errors and awkward constructions. The essay contains a few grammatical errors that affect clarity and readability. For example, “if we don’t allow training them any more, we might not be unable to find connection to our previous culture” should be “if we were to stop training in them, we might lose connection to our previous culture.” Paying closer attention to grammatical accuracy, including correct verb forms and preposition usage, will improve the overall quality of the essay.

The essay addresses the task and presents a clear position throughout the response, but the argument could be more fully developed and supported. The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing the importance of extreme sports such as boxing and motor-racing and providing arguments against their prohibition. The writer presents a clear stance and supports it with relevant examples. However, the essay could benefit from a more detailed exploration of the opposing viewpoint to provide a more balanced argument. Additionally, the conclusion could be strengthened by summarizing the main points and restating the position more emphatically.