In many countries, people increasingly talk about money such as how much they earn or how much they pay for things in their daily conversations. Why is this happening? Is it a positive or negative development?
In modern society, people often talk about their annual earnings or the money they spend in daily conversations. I think that in modern life, these events are normal because developed countries create competition among people.
That is why people who become famous or wealthy showcase their positive lives on social media. These acts motivate people to earn more money and reach higher levels of success. Sometimes, these trends become popular, and people on the internet want to talk about financial power, buy expensive things, and spend more money.
Sometimes, these conversations happen because people want to achieve similar success quickly. As a result, people take part in a race they may not even realize and start chasing an easier lifestyle. This situation affects people’s motivation and physical actions. On the other hand, some negative points emerge in desperate societies, where crimes related to financial issues may occur.
In conclusion, these conversations about money and additional needs are natural in modern life. Globalization continues, and these problems and negative developments are unlikely to disappear.
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay follows a logical structure, but the use of cohesive devices is sometimes inaccurate or missing, making the connection between ideas less smooth. Additionally, the conclusion could be more effective in summarizing the main points and providing a clear final thought.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transition between ideas.
- Make sure to fully develop your conclusion to effectively summarize the main points and provide a clear final thought.
The essay uses a sufficient range of vocabulary and there is evidence of some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of vocabulary related to the topic, with some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choices that could be revised for clarity. Additionally, the use of more varied and precise language could help to convey the ideas more effectively.
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are few grammatical errors. However, there are some errors in article and preposition usage, as well as some awkward phrasings that could be revised for clarity. The essay demonstrates a good command of grammar and sentence structure, with a variety of sentence types used effectively. However, there are a few minor errors in grammar and punctuation that could be revised for clarity. Additionally, the use of more varied and complex sentence structures could help to convey the ideas more effectively.
The essay addresses the task effectively, providing a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples. The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing the reasons behind the increasing focus on money in people’s conversations and whether this is a positive or negative development. The writer presents a clear opinion and supports it with relevant arguments. However, the essay could be improved by providing more specific examples to support the arguments and by offering a more detailed exploration of the topic.
Suggestions
- Provide more specific examples to support your arguments.
- Consider offering a more detailed exploration of the topic.