the bar chart below gives information on the numbers of workers in different occupations who migrated to Australia between 2009 and 2012.
The bar chart shows how many workers in several occupations — accountant, cook, software engineer, and computer programmer— who migrated to Australia from 2009 to 2012.
Overall, we can clearly see that accountants had the highest number of migrants, while computer programmer had lowest numbers among all skills. However, each profession varied for trends.
In 2009, accountants migrated around 20,000 , and then this numbers rose significantly to nearly about 28,000 , in the following years to just over 20,000 by 2012. For cooking, migrations numbers remained relatively stabled over the period, fluctuated between 15,000 and 17,000 workers.
Software engineers showed a gradual increase from 19,000 in 2009 to peak a around 20,000 in 2010, and then computer programmer had the lowest migration,starting at around 3,000 in 2009, this number rose significantly to roughly 4,000 in 2010. In 2012, about 5,000 workers experiencing a minor to rise, before the falling slightly at approximately 2,000 workers.
155 words
The essay provides a basic overview of the data but lacks clear organization and logical progression of ideas.
Suggestions
- Use clearer transitions between sentences and paragraphs.
- Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea.
- Summarize key points more effectively.
The vocabulary is adequate but lacks variety and precision.
The essay contains several grammatical errors that affect clarity.
The essay addresses the task but lacks detailed data analysis and comparison.
Suggestions
- Include more detailed comparisons between the occupations.
- Ensure all key data points are accurately described.
- Provide a more comprehensive summary of the trends.