Extreme sports such as sky diving and skiing are very dangerous and should be banned. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view?

There is a view that etreme sports like diving and skiing are too risky and ought to be prohibited. I am, personally, inclined to disagree with this viewpoint for several compelling reasons.
It needs to be conceded that dangerous sports can result in serious consequences of people. If such sports are not forbidden by authorities, a lot of people, regardless of their proficiency, may participate in to bolster their adrenaline hormon. These activities, however, can bring to adverse effects like a long-lasting injury or even a death, negatively impacting on societies as a whole.
Notwithstanding these arguments, I believe that extreme sports should not be banned as it enhances financial stability of countries. This is mainly because providing dangerous sports for individuals can work as a way of generating reevenue, which in turn, can help to maintain financial stability of the nation and lead to economical growth. A lot of enterpreneurs in Kazakhstan, for example, run businesses where they give access for jumping from a parachute to people all over the world, and earn a lot of money.
Additionally, organizing risky sports may result in environmental and conservation benefits. As risky sports are often rely on natural landscapes such as mountains, rivers, deserts and forests, the precence of sports not only highlights the beauty of these natural areas but also plays a vital role in their conservation and sustainable development.
In conclusion, banning adrenaline boosting sports can prevent from fatal injuries and deaths. Nonetheless, I believe that these sports should not be prohibited, as they contribute to economical success of countries playing as a revenue for earning money, and emphasis the importance of keeping and saving ecological places.

7.0

The essay is logically organized and the ideas are connected well. However, there are a few areas where the flow of ideas could be improved. The essay follows a logical structure, but transitions between paragraphs and within paragraphs could be smoother. The introduction sets up the topic well, but the connection between different points could be enhanced with more explicit linking phrases. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points but could be more comprehensive.

Suggestions

Use more linking words to improve the flow of ideas.
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic.

The essay uses a wide range of vocabulary and there is evidence of some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of vocabulary relevant to the topic, such as “adrenaline hormon,” “financial stability,” and “sustainable development.” However, there are some instances of awkward or incorrect word choices that could be revised for clarity and accuracy. Additionally, the use of more varied and precise language could enhance the overall quality of the essay.

The essay uses a variety of complex structures. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward constructions. The essay uses a variety of sentence structures and is generally grammatically accurate. However, there are a few minor errors that could be corrected for clarity and precision. Additionally, the use of more complex grammatical structures could enhance the overall quality of the essay.

The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout. However, the argument could be more fully developed in places. The essay effectively addresses the prompt by presenting a clear position that extreme sports should not be banned. The writer provides relevant and supporting arguments, such as the economic benefits of such sports and their role in environmental conservation. However, the essay could be improved by providing more specific examples and by further developing the arguments to provide a more thorough and nuanced explanation of the points being made.