Many people believe that social networking sites have a huge negative impact on both individuals and society. Do you agree or disagree?
Social media has become a modern part of life. There is a popular view that, the social networking websites influence by negative side for people and society. I firmly agree with this statement, which the social media require more leisure time and addiction.
Currently, the internet has expanded around the world. There is an access to enter the social networking sites for people who live in everywhere in the world. Not also children but also adults using this kind of websites. It is important to note that some children are spending their free time to scrolling through social media instead of doing their homework. As a consequence, the youngsters’ grade rating at school decreases. It is also worth noting that, this dangerous habit which spending hours on the internet contribute to a lack of attention, meaning the one person cannot read a book just 1 hour, which scary for our mentality.
In this modern world, the swindle happens in every field by robbers. Even, these kind of extortionists available in social media. For example, there are scammers on Telegram who deceive people and take their money. Just one click lead to a serious problem, such fraud not only harms society but also negatively impacts all of humanity. All of these examples are relevant and the people should be reduced browsing the internet.
In conclusion, I completely agree with this view that people of all ages should limit the amount of time they spend on social networking sites, otherwise, it can have significant negative impacts on both society and individuals.
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay follows a logical structure, but the use of cohesive devices is sometimes inaccurate or missing, making the connection between ideas less smooth. Additionally, the conclusion could be more effective in summarizing the main points and reiterating the stance on the issue.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transition between ideas.
- Make sure to fully develop your conclusion to effectively summarize the main points and reiterate your stance on the issue.
The essay uses a sufficient range of vocabulary and there is evidence of some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation. The essay demonstrates a good command of a range of vocabulary, but there are some instances of awkward or incorrect word choices. For example, “swindle happens in every field by robbers” is awkward and could be rephrased for clarity. Additionally, “scary for our mentality” is a bit informal and could be replaced with “detrimental to our mental health” for a more formal tone.
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are some errors in grammar and punctuation. The essay contains several grammatical errors that affect the overall clarity and readability. These include issues with subject-verb agreement, article use, and preposition use. For example, “the social media require more leisure time and addiction” should be “social media requires more leisure time and can lead to addiction.” Additionally, “children are spending their free time to scrolling through social media” should be “children are spending their free time scrolling through social media.”
The essay addresses the task and presents a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples. The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing the negative impacts of social networking sites on individuals and society. The writer presents a clear stance and supports it with relevant examples. However, the essay could be improved by providing more specific evidence to support the claims made, such as statistics on the amount of time spent on social networking sites and their correlation with academic performance.
Suggestions
- Provide more specific examples to support your arguments.
- Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that all supporting details are relevant and well-explained.