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The charts below show the water levels of 6 cities in Australia in October 2009 and 2010

The bar chart compares six different Australian cities on the basis of their water levels in reservoirs in October 2009 and 2010. Overall, four out of these cities in question reported rises, albeit to a varying degree while the trend was reversed in Darwin. By contrast, there was no change in the water level of Brisbane’s reservoirs. Although the water level was initially by far the highest in Sydney, it was surpassed by Canberra in the following year.
Focusing on the cities which registered the highest water levels in their reservoirs, the figure for Sydney rose slightly from about 78% to more than four fifths during the period. Starting at roughly 77%, the water level in Canberra increased significantly in 2009, reaching about 87% in the latter year, making it the biggest water reservoir possessed city.
Melbourne and Perth followed somehow similar increasing patterns. The figures for both cities accounted for 40% and just over 70% respectively in 2010, up from more than two fifths and four fifths in the former year. These changes mean that there was an almost twofold increase in the water level of the maximum in these cities.
Darwin and Melbourne, on the other hand, exhibited smaller number. The figure for the former was initially double that for the latter with respective figures standing at about 45% and in excess of two fifths. While the water level decreased considerably in Darwin, halving well over 20%, the figure for Melbourne roughly doubled, reaching 40%.

7.0

The essay is logically organized, with clear comparisons and contrasts between the cities. However, some sentences are a bit complex and could be simplified for better clarity.

Suggestions
  • Use simpler sentence structures for clarity.
  • Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence.
  • Avoid overly complex vocabulary that might confuse the reader.

The essay uses a range of vocabulary with some precision, but there are instances of awkward phrasing and repetition.

The essay demonstrates a good range of grammatical structures but contains some errors in complex sentences.

The essay effectively addresses the task, providing a clear overview and detailed comparisons of the water levels in the cities.

Suggestions
  • Ensure all data is accurately represented.
  • Include all relevant comparisons and contrasts.