The table below gives information about the percentage of workforce employed in six industries in Australia between 1989 and 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
The table below provides data about percentage rates of workforce in six sectors of Australian government between 1989 and 2009. Overall, while there was a slight increase in the figures of Health care, Construction, Education and Tourism industries, the reverse was true for Manufacturing and Retail sectors. Additionally, the percentages of workforce in Manufacturing and Healthcare sectors were the highest between 1989 and 2009, respectively. However, Tourism industry shared the lowest proportion of workforce in both years.
Workforce shares of Health care, Construction and Tourism witnessed a marginal increase. In 1989, the figures for Health care and Construction started at 9.6% and 7.6%, respectively, with the former rising slightly to 11.3% and the latter improving to a negligible 8.3% in 2009. Starting at 6.8% in 1989, the proportion of Education rose to 7.5% in 2009. Focusing on the smallest numbers in both years, the figure for Tourism was at 5.5% in 1989 and improved to 7.3% during the next decade.
The remaining 2 industries, by contrast, bucked the trend. The figure for Manufacturing workforce was at strong 15% in 1989, a figure which then fell noticeably to 9.8% in 2009. Furthermore, The percentage rate of Retail industry decreased slightly, from 11.8% in 1989 to 10.1% in 2009.
The essay is logically organized with a clear structure. However, some transitions between ideas could be smoother.
Suggestions
- Use more varied linking words to enhance flow.
- Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence.
- Avoid repetition of similar phrases.
The vocabulary is appropriate and varied, but there is room for more precise word choices.
Good range of grammatical structures with minor errors.
The essay effectively summarizes the main features and makes relevant comparisons. It addresses all parts of the task.
Suggestions
- Ensure all details are accurately represented.
- Consider adding a brief conclusion to summarize findings.