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Nowadays people depend on technology in their free time. Is this a positive or negative development?

These days, people are increasingly reliant on technologies to spend their spare time. While this trend presents some benefits in some regards, I believe it is a negative turn of events overall.
Gone are the days when the majority of people used to do mostly social and outdoor activities in their free time thanks to the advent of new technologies. With the rise of internet and social media platforms, people are now more inclined to spend their weekends and day-offs using their devices such as TVs, smartphones and laptops due to the conveniences and endless entertainment they offer. For instance, by just connecting to the internet, individuals, today, can watch the latest movies and their favorite TVs with minimal fees and without the trouble of travelling to a cinema. Not only that, they can even virtually meet and socialize with their friends via platforms like Zoom and Skype, all of which are powered by technologies.
Despite these positives, I still feel that too much reliance on gadgets will lead to bad outcomes. The first thing to suffer is the relationships of people. The addictive nature of, for example, smartphones, keep their users hooked on the screen by constantly entertaining and sending their brains dopamine hits, preventing them from going out and socializing with their friends and family members. As a result, they will increasingly become isolated and slowly lose touch with people. Another thing to suffer is the health of those users. As people spend significant amounts of time using their smartphones and watching TV on daily basis, they adopt a more sedentary lifestyle. Such bad habits, in turn, might result in various diseases and medical conditions ranging from obesity to cardiovascular illnesses.
In conclusion, although there some beneficial sides of using technologies to spend one’s free time, I am convinced that too much dependence on them is a change for worse as they may cause isolation from the society and the disruption of people’s health.

8.0

The essay is logically organized and ideas are connected well. The introduction and conclusion are clear and related to the topic. However, there are a few areas where the flow of ideas could be improved.

Suggestions
  • Try to use a wider range of linking words to connect your ideas.
  • Ensure that your examples are directly relevant to the point you are making.

The essay uses a wide range of vocabulary and there is evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice.

The essay uses a wide range of complex structures. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward constructions.

The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout the response. The arguments are well-developed and supported with relevant examples. However, the introduction could be more engaging and the conclusion could be more comprehensive.

Suggestions
  • Consider using a more engaging hook in your introduction to grab the reader’s attention.
  • Provide a more comprehensive conclusion that summarizes the main points and clearly restates your position.