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The line graph below shows the hospital admissions for five hospitals in a European country from 2004 to 2018.

The line graph illustrates the hospital admissions for five hospitals in a European country from 2004 to 2018.
Overall, Bardley and Adlin were the most popular hospitals. Notably, Fortsmith, Stanton and Oxley were less popular hospitals, which admitted people to the hospital. Nevertheless, the increasing patterns were the case for Bardley, Fortsmith, Adlin and Stanton.
Turning to the numbers, in 2004 Bardley hospital admitted 200 people to itself. Then the figure showed upward fluctuation and reached 260 people in 2012. After a marginal decrease to 240 people, the proportion illustrated a noticeable incline to 270 people in 2018. Adlin hospital admitted 120 people in 2004, which was followed by a moderate increase to 140 in 2006. Between 2006 and 2010, the indication fluctuated at 140 with the figure rising sharply to 250 people in 2018.
When it comes to Fortsmith, it received 170 people in 2004 , which then reached a peak at around 220 people in 2010. After a fall back to the original figure, hospital saw a moderate growth to 210 in 2014. Then the indication exhibited slight decrease to 200 people in 2018. Oxley hospital admitted 240 people in 2004. Oxley hospital witnessed downward fluctuation and reduced to 110 people from the beginning to the very end of the period. Stanton hospital received about 80 people in 2004, which was followed by a rapid increase to 120 people in 2006. Then the figure illustrated upward fluctuation to 160 until the end of the timespan.

6.0

The essay is generally well-organized, with a clear introduction and body paragraphs. However, there are some issues with logical flow and clarity.

Suggestions
  • Improve the logical flow between sentences.
  • Use more cohesive devices to link ideas.
  • Clarify comparisons between hospitals.

The essay uses a range of vocabulary, but there are some repetitive phrases and awkward word choices.

The essay demonstrates a good range of grammatical structures, but there are some errors and awkward constructions.

The essay addresses the task effectively, summarizing the key trends and data points from the graph.

Suggestions
  • Include more specific data points for clarity.
  • Ensure all hospitals are discussed equally.