Some people think that the best way to increase the quality of education is to increase teachers' salaries. Others believe that it is more important to improve the school facilities. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
In our modern world, some people think that the best way to increase the quality of education is to increase teachers’ salaries. Others trust that it is more beneficial to improve the school facilities. I personally believe that view is absolutely important for teachers and students.
From my perspective, if the government increases teachers’ salaries afterward, teachers may be taught high-quality, and teachers will be happy. In addition, some of the students want to learn high-quality at school. However, some of the teachers don’t teach at a high quality. When the government should pay high salary for teachers. So students will take a good profession. I might add this way to help students for the future, and undergraduates don’t suffer from international exams.
on the other hand, many people trust that it is more important to improve the school facilities because school facilities can help to learn new skills and many beneficials subjects for example history, geography, math and other subject if government should be improved school facilities and set a large manitor and give anthology. In addition, some psychologists said school facilities are more and more important for students mentality pupils are grown high school facilities and their thinking and knowledge can help to your works and future in fact 70% peoples are achieving good works because they learn at good school facilities and 30 percent pupils are achieving high quality works because they study at normal school. In contrast, high-quality schools are absolutely great.
In conclusion, both views are more important if people use these things in the right ways. I believe this work can help to educate if these works apply.
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay is structured with an introduction, body paragraphs for each viewpoint, and a conclusion. However, the use of cohesive devices is sometimes awkward, affecting readability. Additionally, the connection between some ideas within paragraphs could be clearer to improve overall cohesion.
Suggestions
- Try to use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transitions between ideas.
- Make sure that the use of cohesive devices does not affect the clarity of your writing.
The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary and there is some evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation. The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary relevant to the topic, such as “quality of education,” “teachers’ salaries,” and “school facilities.” However, there are instances of awkward or incorrect word choices that affect clarity. Additionally, the use of more precise and varied vocabulary could enhance the essay.
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are some errors in grammar and punctuation. The essay attempts to use a variety of sentence structures, but there are some grammatical errors that affect clarity. Issues include subject-verb agreement, tense consistency, and incorrect articles or prepositions. Proofreading to correct these errors is recommended. Additionally, the essay could benefit from a greater variety of sentence structures to demonstrate a higher level of grammatical control.
The essay addresses the task and presents a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported. The essay introduces both viewpoints as per the prompt and attempts to provide a personal opinion. However, the development of the arguments is somewhat repetitive and lacks depth. To enhance the response, the essay could provide more specific examples or evidence to support the arguments. Additionally, the conclusion could be more substantial, summarizing the key points discussed and reinforcing the personal stance.
Suggestions
- Consider providing more specific examples or evidence to support your arguments.
- Ensure that the conclusion effectively summarizes the key points discussed and reinforces the personal stance.