Malika

People have different views about workplaces and their role, they do not fit in leisure activities. Although this can cause some problems such as diseases, loss of concentration and the advantages of earning money are clear. This essay will discuss both positive and negative aspects and try to give relevant examples.
First and foremost, I would like to discuss some advantage sides of working a lot. The initial benefit of it is considered to be that dedication to work helps to earn enough money. For instance, it helps earn enough money for per diem. Furthermore, another positive point is thought to be that helps people become more disciplined. That is because employees often work eight hours in a day and they do similar tasks. So reputation guided them to do best in their office than other territory workers.
On the other hand, despite mentioned positives, there are several negative impacts. One of the major drawbacks of it is that leaving less time for a rest effects person’s health. For example, it can reduce blood serculation and increase brain temperature and it leads to illness. Another significant demirit is that workaholic person can not spend time for family. The reason of, how working long hours directly effects family relationship so we can miss important moments with our parents, grandparents or children’s infancy.
To summarize, while working long hours, leaving very little time for resting can offer several positives, there may be drawbacks too. From my personal point of view, it is good that everything is in its place, both work and rest and family. Then no one’s health will be at risk, he will be able to spend time with his family and get a good promotion at work.

6.5

The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay follows a logical structure, but the use of cohesive devices is sometimes inaccurate or missing, making the progression of ideas a bit difficult to follow. Additionally, the conclusion could be more effective in summarizing the main points and providing a clear final thought.

Suggestions

Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transition between ideas.
Make sure to fully develop your conclusion to effectively summarize the main points discussed in the essay.

The essay uses a variety of vocabulary and there is evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of vocabulary related to the topic, with some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choices that could be revised for clarity. Additionally, the use of more formal language throughout the essay would help to strengthen the overall tone.

The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are some errors in grammar, punctuation and spelling. However, these errors do not generally impede communication. The essay uses a variety of sentence structures, which adds variety and interest to the text. However, there are some grammatical errors and awkward constructions that can be distracting. Proofreading to correct these errors is recommended. Additionally, the use of more formal language and a more academic style could be improved.

The essay addresses the task and provides a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples. The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position and supporting it with relevant examples. The introduction and conclusion are well-developed and the body paragraphs are structured in a logical and coherent manner. However, the essay could benefit from a more detailed exploration of the topic, with more specific examples to support the arguments.