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The diagram shows how rainwater is collected for the use of drinking water in an Australian town

The diagram demonstrates the collecting of rainwater and the process it goes through before becoming standard drinking water in an Australian town.
Overall, the whole process is a complex one with 8 different stages, starting with collecting the rainwater from the roof of facilities through drains and finishing the whole process with rainwater turning into edible drinking water. It is also clear that most stages are done in pipes that are linked with each other.
The entire process starts with collecting rainwater drops from the roofs of buildings through drains, which then go through a complex process, with the raindrops being transformed into the network of pipes. After going into the pipes, the collected rainwater goes through a tank that filters out water to eliminate harmful bacteria.
Then, the filtered water goes to a storage area where it is stored for a while before going to the next stage. Once there, the water is treated by sorting out chemicals and letting the purified water into pipes that take the pure water into where it is taken to be drunk.

5.5

The essay presents a logical sequence of the process but lacks clarity in some parts. Some stages are not clearly explained.

Suggestions
  • Clarify each stage of the process.
  • Use linking words to improve flow.
  • Ensure each stage is distinct and logically follows the previous one.

The vocabulary is adequate but lacks variety. Some terms are repetitive.

The essay contains some grammatical errors and awkward phrasing.

The essay partially addresses the task but lacks detailed explanation of some stages.

Suggestions
  • Provide a more detailed description of each stage.
  • Ensure all stages in the diagram are covered.
  • Clarify the purpose of each stage.