the diagram below shows the changes, which took place in a coastel area called Pentland from 1950 to 2007
The two maps show the transformation of coastal area named Pentland between 1950 and 2007. Overall, the place had become completely residential and modern by 2007, as an industrial area was removed from the place. In is also worth noting that noticeable additions included houses, apartments, a multi-storey car park, and a swimming pool.
In 1950, the site was relatively empty, with only notable feature being the industrial area to the northwest. there was also a road leading to sea to the north, right which was a car park. To the south, both sides of the road were occupied with only grassland.
After the redevelopment, the coastal area had undergone remarkable changes. To the right part of the road, houses and apartments were built, accommodating residents, with shops being positioned between the two buildings. When it comes to the left side of the road, the industrial area made the way for a new park, swimming pool, and the multi-storey car park, below which are shops and a cinema, providing a form of entertainment for people. One final alteration was a couple of marina yachts in the sea.
The essay is logically organized and ideas are connected well. However, there are a few areas where the flow of information could be improved.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to improve the flow of information.
- Consider using more complex sentence structures to introduce new information.
The essay uses a good range of vocabulary and there is evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice.
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are only minor errors. However, there are a few grammatical errors that need to be addressed.
The essay addresses all parts of the task and presents a clear overview of the information. However, the essay could be improved by providing more specific details and by comparing the 1950 and 2007 maps more explicitly.
Suggestions
- Provide more specific details about the changes that took place between 1950 and 2007.
- Make more explicit comparisons between the 1950 and 2007 maps.