task 1
The graphs give information about how much percentage of water was consumed and its usage in Australia in the year 2004.
Overall, the largest proportion of water was used in Residential (houses), while it was reverse true for Other concerns. In addition, in residential use of water, Garden and Bathroom can be seen as a dominant in water use than others.
In terms of consumption of water, Residential (houses) again stood out with almost 60%, significantly higher than that of others such as Industry, Business and Residential (apartments), which were around 12%. While Other and government utilized water substantially lower than others accounting for 3% and 6%, respectively.
Focusing on residential water use, Bathroom and Garden required water more than Toilet, Washing clothes and kitchen, nearly 27% both of them, respectively. While the rest of these (Toilet, Washing clothes and Kitchen) accounted for approximately lower 15%, 20%, and 10%, in turn.
The essay is logically organized and presents a clear overview. However, there are some areas where the flow of information could be improved.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to improve the flow of information.
- Consider using more complex sentence structures to provide a more detailed analysis.
The essay uses a range of vocabulary and there is some evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice.
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are only minor errors. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect sentence structure.
The essay addresses all parts of the task and presents a clear overview of the main trends, differences or stages. However, the essay could be improved by providing more specific details and by avoiding repetition.
Suggestions
- Provide more specific details and data to support your analysis.
- Avoid repetition and try to vary your language more.