Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
While some people ague that university students should focus solely on one on subject, others argue that students should use a more diversified approach. While both sides of the argument have reasonable thought i lean toward the versatile goal approach because i believe that in the long run having one goal is frustrating and it will decrease the success rate.
On one hand, some people believe that todays’ world is based on expertism, so if you want to be successful, you have to pay attention to only one goal. For example, if you are a dentistry student, due to hard exams and several books you have to read, you should only focus on your class tasks. Therefore, you will not have time to do other stuff, such as going to gym, parties because they will waste your time and you will not be successful in your exams. Furthermore, One goal approach will reduce the distraction because you will exactly know the tasks you have to do because you only have one goal. Imagine you are a gymnastic athlete. You will have one purpose in life which is to get to Olympics. Consequently, you will try hard to achieve this dream while your distractions are at their lowest amount due to your one goal approach.
On the other hand, some other people argue that having variety-goal approach will benefit you in the long term and it is a better approach. Moreover, while you will still follow your main goal, you will enjoy other stuff too. I will use the same example. Imagine you are a dentistry student, and there is a heavy burden on you due to hard exams and many classes. As a result of these, you will experience anxiety and stress. It is not a bad idea to do other stuff in order to decrease these problems. For instance, you could go to the gym, which is scientifically proven than will lower the stress levels or even you could apply for some art classes. Many studies indicate that, lower stress and anxiety will lead to better outcomes. Additionally, by having a variety of goals, you will increase the success rate in another way too. We are living in uncertain environment, so there is always chance for failure. Thus, if you fail in one of the goals, you still have chance in the others. However, having a versatile goal approach has it’s drawbacks. For instance, due to it’s diversification, your focus will be lower compared to the one-goal approach.
To sum up, I assert that while having an one-goal approach has it’s advantages, the versatile- goal approach will be a better solution due to higher success rate, which comes from diversification. In addition, it is a better approach for our mental and physical health.
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some areas where the flow of ideas could be improved. The essay follows a logical structure, but transitions between paragraphs and within paragraphs could be smoother. The introduction sets up the topic well, but the connection between different points could be enhanced with more explicit linking phrases. Clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph and more explicit linking phrases would help guide the reader through the essay. Ensuring consistent punctuation and spacing will also improve readability.
Suggestions
- Try to use a wider range of linking words to connect your ideas more effectively.
- Make sure that your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points of your essay.
The essay demonstrates a good command of a broad lexical repertoire. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of vocabulary, but there are some instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. For example, “expertism” should be “expertise,” and “one-goal approach” should be “one-goal approach.” Improving lexical precision and variety will enhance the clarity and professionalism of the essay. Additionally, ensuring correct spelling and grammar usage will improve overall readability.
The essay uses a variety of complex structures. However, there are a few instances of incorrect or awkward sentence construction. The essay contains a few grammatical errors that affect clarity and readability. For example, “todays’ world” should be “today’s world,” and “you will not be successful in your exams” should be “you will not successful in your exams.” Paying closer attention to grammatical accuracy, including correct verb forms and preposition usage, will improve the overall quality of the essay.
The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported. The essay addresses the topic by discussing both perspectives on the issue and providing the writer’s opinion. The introduction and conclusion are clear and relevant to the topic. The essay provides specific examples to support the arguments, but the use of a more formal tone and language is inconsistent. The essay would benefit from a more formal tone and language throughout. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points but could be more comprehensive.
Suggestions
- Make sure to fully develop your arguments and support them with relevant examples and evidence.