Some people believe that technology has made man more sociable and others think that it has made us less sociable. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

With advancements in communication technology, some contend that we have grown more sociable, yet others think it is the opposite which is true. Despite some valid points behind the contribution of communication technology, I believe that it affected our sociability adversely.
Advocates of social networking websites and technologies put forward several arguments to consider. As such state-of-the-art technology as computers, laptops, tablets, and smartphones now aid users in keeping in touch with their loved ones or like-minded friends and acquaintances, bridging geographical gaps, we are facilitated with instant communication via online meetings, conferences and chats. Not only does this allow for immediately building a conversation, but it also drives less interactive and merely sociable individuals to connect to society more intensively, an aspect that improves social cohesion.
However sensible these views might be viewed, I side with those who assert that this technology influenced unfavorably our social skills. Firstly, since we place too much emphasis on online socializing, our communication skills lack proper practice and erode over time, creating a culture where people can not navigate real-life interactions. This, in turn, undermines our negotiation abilities, making us less articulate and compromising mutual understanding within the public. This situation is prevalent in most developed countries, where Facebook, Twitter, or Telegram – social messaging applications – are steadily becoming the mainstream communication means.
Having considered these standpoints, I hold the stance that although online socialization has somehow boosted communication, its negative affects rendered the general public less sociable in real life, making me support opponents of online communication.

7.0

The essay is logically organized and the ideas are connected well. However, there are a few areas where the flow of ideas could be improved. The essay follows a logical structure, but transitions between paragraphs and within paragraphs could be smoother. The introduction sets up the topic well, but the connection between different points could be enhanced with more explicit linking phrases. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points but could be more comprehensive.

Suggestions

Use more linking words to improve the flow of ideas.
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic.

The essay uses a wide range of vocabulary and there is evidence of some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of vocabulary relevant to the topic, with appropriate use of academic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice that could be revised for clarity. Additionally, the use of more varied and precise language could help to convey the arguments more effectively.

The essay uses a wide range of complex structures. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward constructions. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of grammatical structures, with few errors. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect sentence structure that could be revised for clarity. Additionally, the use of more varied sentence structures could help to convey the arguments more effectively.

The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples. The essay effectively addresses the topic by discussing both views and providing a clear personal opinion. The introduction and conclusion are well-developed and the essay provides relevant examples to support the arguments. However, the essay could be improved by providing more specific examples to support the arguments and by addressing potential counterarguments more thoroughly.