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The table below shows the employment of students from four counries in the UK after their first courses in 2001.

The table compares then first graduates of different UK universities in three employment for the year 2001. Overall, while the percentage of employees from Scotland university was the highest, the reverse trend was true for the students of Northern Island. Additionally, they were England graduates that dominated as a second greatest figure in the percentage of total employment.
Regarding the employees who studied in Scotland and England universities, more than half of them in both countries could find a job totally. In permanent employment, Scotland graduates hold the dominance, reaching 43.6%, as opposed to 33% of England students who have a work in. Despite this greatness in the percentage of employees in Scotland, the share of England employees was higher than Scotland ones in temporary employment, showing 23% and 20.2%, respectively.
When it comes to Wales and Northern Island students who had an employment, the proportion of those in Wales was greater in all employment sections, apart from overseas employment. While the percentage of Wales graduates accounted for 30% in permanent employment, the same figure for Northern Island students was 20%. In temporary employment, the difference between students of Wales and Northern Island was so small, with the respective figures of 12.4% and 8.6%. Although the share of Northern Island students was higher(5%) than Whales ones(2.9%) in overseas employment, the figure for Whales students are far greater in total employment by about 12%.

5.5

The essay presents information logically but lacks clear paragraphing and topic sentences. Some comparisons are unclear or misplaced.

Suggestions
  • Use clear topic sentences for each paragraph.
  • Ensure logical flow between comparisons.
  • Clarify comparisons with appropriate linking words.

The vocabulary is adequate but lacks precision in some areas. Repetitive use of certain words and phrases.

Frequent grammatical errors and awkward sentence structures. Some sentences are difficult to follow.

The essay addresses the task but lacks detailed explanation and analysis in some areas. Some data is inaccurately represented.

Suggestions
  • Ensure all data is accurately represented.
  • Provide more detailed analysis of key trends.
  • Avoid unnecessary repetition.