Asila JIS
Stress levels are rising in modern life. The origins of this problem exist along with solutions to prevail over it. In the following paragraphs, the causes and approaches will be examined.
For us, students, school is super stressful due to the fact that we have sleepless nights because we study for an upcoming exams or quizzes. Since we try to make our parents proud, we suffer from mental health issues. A solution to this problem is to teach the students in a way that grades aren’t as important as their education.
For mothers, balancing work and home life is overwhelming and leads to increased stress levels. In other words, a woman works at her job, then comes home to take care of her family. To achieve balance, the woman should assign the outside work to men and she will devote her time to taking care of her family instead.
Another root cause of elevated stress levels is men’s jobs, which involve long hours of work and require a lot of responsibility, leaving almost no time for themselves or their families. For instance, a man works long hours to provide for his family, unaware that his mental health is declining. One way to resolve this is to provide the same salary with shorter hours as the owners should care about the well-being of their employees.
To sum up everything that is mentioned, the number of people suffering from stress is rising in today’s world. Students experience stress from exams, as opposed to adults, who suffer from an imbalance between work and home life. With the help of others, step by step, we can make our lives a little less stressful.
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some areas where the flow of ideas could be improved. The essay follows a logical structure, but the transition between paragraphs and within paragraphs could be smoother. The introduction sets up the topic well, but the connection between different points could be enhanced with more explicit linking phrases. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points but could be more comprehensive. Clearer topic sentences and more explicit linking phrases would help guide the reader through the essay and improve overall coherence.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of linking words to connect your ideas more effectively.
- Ensure that your conclusion fully summarizes the main points of your essay.
The essay uses a wide range of vocabulary and there is evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of vocabulary, but there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. For example, “super stressful” could be replaced with “extremely stressful” for a more formal tone, and “assign the outside work to men” could be rephrased as “assign household tasks to men” for clarity. Improving the precision and appropriateness of vocabulary choices would enhance the overall quality of the essay.
The essay uses a variety of complex structures. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward constructions. The essay uses a variety of sentence structures and is generally free of grammatical errors. However, there are a few instances of awkward phrasing and incorrect verb forms that could be improved. For example, “For us, students, school is super stressful” could be rephrased as “For us, as students, school can be incredibly stressful,” and “one way to resolve this is to provide the same salary with shorter hours” could be rephrased as “one way to address this issue is by offering the same salary but fewer hours.” Paying closer attention to grammatical accuracy and sentence structure would improve the overall quality of the essay.
The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported. The essay addresses the topic of rising stress levels in modern life and provides some potential solutions. However, the discussion could be more fully developed, and the essay could benefit from more specific examples. The essay also tends to make broad, unsupported generalizations (e.g., “For us, students, school is super stressful”), which can detract from the overall credibility of the argument. Focusing on providing more detailed explanations and specific examples would enhance the overall quality of the essay.
Suggestions
- Develop your argument more fully, providing more detailed explanations and supporting your points with specific examples.
- Avoid making broad, unsupported generalizations.